Pourings from the Heart

How was your Christmas? Ours was amazingly beautiful, blessed, and wonderful! We didn't have much under the tree, but that was okay! In fact, I really think it made us thankful for the couple of things we did receive and, more importantly, it made us really thankful for each other.  I know the day was more about the people around me than the stuff around me.  Very little money was spent because we don't have but a little, but the joy came from focusing on what Christmas is all about and the fact that my little family was together. 

I made ham, cheesy potatoes, mixed veggies and pumpkin pie for our Christmas dinner, and I must say, it was really one of the best meals we've had for Christmas.  I told you about the 99 cent per pound ham I got at Safeway and the fact that it wasn't spiral cut.  It didn't matter in the least! In fact, I thought it was better.  I spiced it and created my own delicious glaze that everyone loved.  I used my electric knife to cut paper thin slices that could be used for sandwiches later.  Love my electric knife, people!  I got it one year when they were selling them for cheap at WalMart.  It was like $5.00 or something ridiculous.  The cheesy potatoes were just that - super cheesy.  I created a triple batch of the cheese sauce this year to pour over those lovely potato slices and it was just wonderful. The only downside was that during the baking, we started to smell smoke.  Some of that lovely cheese sauce had dripped over the edge of the pan and onto the oven floor below making a smokey mess.  I had put the pan on a cookie sheet, but it was a small one and it just ran right past the cookie sheet.  I had to pull everything out and clean up the mess so we didn't die from smoke inhalation! I then put a piece of foil beneath the pan and it caught all future drips.  At the end of the day, I cleaned my stove and it was so hard - I had to flip the switch to clean.  LOL  Anyway, I made my pies Christmas morning, too, which I never do, but it all worked out and everything was delicious.

Yesterday afternoon, we all played games - Sorry, Racko and Canasta Caliente.  FUN! We love to play games at our house, but we don't do it nearly as often as I would like.  We all lead such busy lives, it's hard to sit down and make the time to play the board games together.  We are going to try and do it more often, though, as we really enjoyed it!  I didn't cook yesterday but had leftover Christmas dinner fixings and then I did make a couple of dips for snacking.  My son (of the pizza fame) made white chocolate chip and macadamia nut cookies and they were wonderful, too!

The only downer to yesterday was MIL creating problems AGAIN and upsetting everyone. Truly, she thrives on this and it's a constant thing.  My hubby has made it clear that she will never change and to expect her to, is to drive ourselves crazy.  I know this, I accept it (I guess) and yet I still have this small place in my brain that thinks one day she will wake up and say, "Gee, I've been really obnoxious! I'm going to stop!". Ummm, yeah, right.  Just not gonna happen.  Period. My problem is that I still allow her to upset me and ruin my days.  I'm still trying to figure out how to handle this and, at this point, am not sure how to, and that further drives me crazy! We have had to make so many changes in our house because of her, for example:  Every time we would cook, she would come out and turn off the stove or oven.  I didn't know she would do this and one day I came home to what I thought would be dinner all nicely cooked in the oven, to a raw roast freezing cold and uncooked.  Oh, yes. I was furious! Of course, confronting her about it, only a made her do it all the more. If she thinks something is upsetting you, she amps it up and does it more and more. Anyway, I would put a pan on to boil for pasta or whatever, go and do other things, and she would turn off the pan. Or I would put something in the oven to cook or bake, come back a few minutes later and the oven was off.  It was/is so irritating! So, I got child gates and put them up at each end of my kitchen so she couldn't go in there.  That made her mad, but it worked for awhile until the other day when she pushed on one of the gates until it popped and she got in there.  Same with the refrigerator.  She was constantly leaving the doors open and we had to call the repairman out to fix it twice! So, I put child locks on the fridge.  Great, until one day she got mad and pulled the handle on the door so hard it broke the lock! So now we've moved a piece of furniture in front of the one opening to the kitchen (I KNOW!!) and we've moved a chair in front of the fridge plus put a new lock on the fridge (I KNOW!!).  The remaining gate is so tight and positioned in such a way that we are praying she can't knock it out.  Just so it doesn't sound like we're heartless, she has her OWN FRIDGE in her room which we stock with her favorite foods and she is still able to get to the glasses and water in the kitchen.  The area of the kitchen I have blocked off is where the stove, oven and pantry are.  The pantry is a whole other story that I shall save for another day when I feel like venting.

I am praying that the Lord will show me how to handle this situation to where I'm not losing my mind.  Confronting her does not work, talking to her does not work, ignoring her does not work, and catering to her does not work.  Frankly, she is an evil person and has a totally obsessive and narcissistic personality that allows her to only consider how things are affecting her and no one else.  What I don't like is what it is doing to me as a person.  I feel uptight all the time, on edge, and totally stressed.  I try to do as many things at night that I can so I don't have to deal with her because if I do have to deal with her, she always, ALWAYS, says something cruel that effects me the rest of the day and then I, in turn, affect my wonderful, loving family in a negative way because I'm either crying or ranting. Neither are good and certainly not what the Lord calls me to do as a wife and mother. My friend reminded me the other night that I need to stop it in my mind before I react to it. Absolutely. She's right. The key to stopping it in my mind? Not there yet, but I know the Lord is growing me through this and He will provide that key and give me the grace I need to handle this....and the love. The love seems impossible right now, but that's just it, isn't it? We are called to love the unlovable and, believe me, dear readers, this woman is unlovable, but that's the point; God couldn't grow me through this and I couldn't give him the glory if it wasn't going to grow me and create in me a more Christ-like Spirit! Pray for me, dear friends, that the Lord would give me the wisdom to know how to handle this and to not allow it to touch my heart.  That's what this really comes down to, of course, is that I'm allowing her to touch my heart and hurt my feelings.

Today I'm tired. I had 4 hours sleep last night (I'm still battling insomnia) and I really want to go back to sleep, but I can't and I won't.  I'm going to get going and do some things for my family that will bless them.  I'm also in the process of writing down my goals for 2011.  Can you believe it? 2011...how weird did it feel to just type that. Anyway, I'm going to make bread today for the freezer and I would like to go through a couple of boxes of mementos that need to be sorted, organized and put away.  After all that, I intend to sit and work on my cross stitch for awhile and enjoy my precious family and my beautiful home that the Lord has so graciously blessed me with.

God bless you - Julie

Ready for Fall?

Are you ready for fall? You know I am. The heat of this summer has about wiped me out and I'm SO ready for the cool, crispness of the Autumn days and nights. I thought last week we were finally going to stay in the Fall weather permanently, but alas, it was not to be. We've had record heat the past few days and I'm running my air-conditioning like there's no tomorrow!! I'm even running it at night. It's just not cooling down enough for me to sleep well.

I'm definitely going to start decorating for Fall, though. I love all my Fall decorations. They just make me so happy. I added to them the other day after a trip to Big Lots. Do you know, I had never been in that store? I kept hearing about it from one person and then another and decided it was about time I made a trip in there! I found the most gorgeous cloth tablecloth. It has beautiful leaves all over it and that's going to be the first thing I put out. The price was just amazing and I was very happy to find something so gorgeous for such little money.

I actually went into Big Lots because of my MIL. She is constantly pulling the mini-blind up and down in her room. I mean, constantly. I am not exaggerating about this, people. She has that thing hanging by a very thin thread. Now, this is rather upsetting to me because that mini-blind was specially made for our house and it matches our carpet perfectly. To get another one like it would be impossible. In any case, we all asked her very nicely to leave the mini blind alone. She refused. Finally, I told her that if she broke the blind, I couldn't afford to replace it and she would be without a blind. Oh, my. She got furious about this. I said to her, "Why can't I ask you nicely not to do something and you just say, 'okay'?" Not happening, people, not happening. I can't tell you how frustrating this is for me. I was in tears (privately, of course; she would feed off the tears) because I don't understand why she wouldn't just leave it alone. I said to her, "I ask very little of you and you can't do this for me?" She said, "Yes, you don't ask much of me at all." However, she just wasn't going to do this. So, I was talking to my sister (you know, the wise one!) and she suggested that I get one of those roll up shades that you usually see outside and you pull them up by a string. I thought that was a wonderful idea and went to Big Lots with that purpose in mind. Do you know, they had ONE shade left and it was the right size? Isn't God amazing to care so much, He even had the right shade for me. I'm going to put this new shade up and try and salvage my old one. It only cost me $9.00, so if she ruins it, it won't cost me an arm and a leg and I can replace it with a new roll up shade again for little money. I don't know - I just find this so frustrating to have a person in my house that refuses to work with me at all on anything. I try and accomodate her every whim - feed her the foods she loves - we even purchased the Western channel just for her - and still it's not enough. I'm just at my wits end - am I wrong here?

I want so much to be the light of Jesus in my home.  It's SO hard, though, when you have someone who literally despises what you believe.  The Lord is really growing and stretching me through this whole experience and I just want to come out of it closer to Jesus and soft hearted.  Please pray that things will improve for us. 

On a brighter note, I'm getting my house more and more the way I want it. I have gotten rid of so much stuff and am working on my cleaning schedule like never before. I just love it and it makes things so much easier and nicer. I'm just pleased as all get out about how things are looking in my home.

My sons are doing well in college. They have so much work to do all the time, but they have been consistent about it. They are taking one class together so they have each other to study with and that's been great for them. It's just hard for me to believe my sons are old enough to be in college now. Where did the time go?

I hope you have a wonderful Labor's Day. We are going to stay in tomorrow and I will probably get out the Fall decorations. I'm also going to try and meet a friend for coffee, which is always fun. I'm also hoping to get some painting done. I haven't painted for almost 3 weeks and I miss it so much!

Have a great day!

God bless you - Julie

Crazy week!

               

                                 

What a week!!  I'm telling you, I was so exhausted, I wasn't sure I was going to be able just to get through the entire week without fainting!

It all started with taking my mother-in-law to the doctor.  This is always a difficult thing to do and this visit was no exception.  Afterward, I thought it would be nice to take her to Wal-Mart because she is always wanting to go.  I had to do some shopping anyway because I was making a meal for a friend who had surgery, later on in the week.  So off to Wal-Mart we go - my mother-in-law, my hubby and I.  When we get there, we go down the list of things she wants to get.  We go to the grooming area to pick up a few things for her and then we start off for the cosmetics area and look up and she's disappeared.  Mind you, I'm riding one of the motorized carts so rushing after her is not an easy thing for me.  My hubby goes to look for her and she's 2 aisles over looking at who knows what. *sigh*  She puts a couple more things in the cart and then says, "Let's go."  Ummm, yeah.  I still had my shopping to do.  I tell her this, again, and so we start off to get the groceries I need.  She keeps saying, "Let's go", so finally I ask my hubby to go and sit with her on the bench, but I know this isn't going to pacify her for long, and so I end up not getting all my groceries because I don't want my husband to have to keep hearing, "let's go".  Now lest you think I'm being totally unfair to this poor, little, old lady, let me assure you that she has always been this way.  I stopped going shopping with her years and years ago because once she got what she wanted, she wanted to go.  I, of course, had forgotten this.  After this, she wants to have a "small cheeseburger" (I've been hearing this term my entire married life and it doesn't get any less irritating as the years go by, let me tell ya) and a chocolate malt.  This is her standard fare.  We go to Burger King and she get's her "small cheeseburger" and an iced tea.  I know at some point she's going to want that chocolate malt so I tell her I'm going to get her one.  She says, "No, I'm full." Five minutes later, guess what?  Yep, wants that chocolate malt.  LOL  You have to laugh or you'll cry.   After this we took her home where she went straight to bed.   Come to find out, while she was sitting on the bench with my husband, she admitted that she was in a lot of pain from her hip.  Now mind you, we had just been to the doctor before this, but did she tell him her hip hurt?  Of course not.  She told him she was perfectly fine, thank you very much. In fact, she was down-right beligerant with the doctor and at one point gave him a look that would have killed a snake.  He turned to us and said, "You have your hands full, don't you?" It just wasn't a good start to my week.  

The next day was a shot day because I got shots in both knees in the morning (didn't you just love that pun?).  I have to basically sit for that day with ice packs on my knees.  I did work on my Bible study and things like that, but not much else.

The next day I had to finish the grocery shopping that I needed to get done the day before.  I also had a doctor's appointment that day.  After getting home with all the groceries, I made macaroni salad, potato salad, and baked beans.  I also made two pans of cinnamon rolls.  One for my friend and one for my family.  

                              

The next morning, I had prayer meeting, but I woke up feeling so horribly exhausted and headachy, I just couldn't go.  My husband told me to go back to bed and get some rest, which I did.  After getting up, I fried two, whole chickens - one for my friend and one for our family. I then got everything packed and delivered it to my friend and her family.  She lives quite a ways from me and so I decided to get some other things done while I was out that way.  I came home and just collapsed.  

Friday, I work at the church office in the afternoon, and I was so glad it wasn't the morning as I was just beat.  The time at the office was spent making a million phone calls (at least it felt that way), making copies, putting badges together for the Bible study ladies, answering the phone, and who knows what else at this point?  It was all a blur!  I do love doing things at the office, though, so it was all fun for me.  

Saturday night we went to church and Jamie Slocum was there playing with our worship band.  I got a picture of me and Jamie and bought his latest CD, which he autographed.  I just love his music.  

Sunday, we relaxed, and I really needed that day of relaxation!

This week has been rather crazy, too, but that post is for another day.  

God bless you - Julie

Leadership & more

I woke this morning to rain, rain, and more rain.  I had a Leadership class at church this morning so was very concerned about getting out of here.  For those of you have haven't read my blog very long, I live on dirt roads and rain is the last thing you want to see when you have to go somewhere!  Anyway, I did make it out and to my class.  I went early to help the Asst. Pastor set up for the class, however, when I got there, everything was done!  Another couple had made it there before me and had everything going, so that was nice.  The people at our church are so wonderful about helping out and pitching in where needed. The class was great and I learned a lot.  It was 3 hours and we learned all about being a leader for a small group, or in my case, the leader of a group in our ladies Bible studies.  Speaking of which, I found out yesterday that I will be a leader for the weekly, Tuesday night study.  It's a Beth Moore study and I am more than excited about being a leader for this study!  I also bought all my Bible study books - there were 4.  I will definitely take 2 of the studies and possibly 3.  I always like to have all the books because I learn so much whether I can be in the study or not.  I would have been in one study, but it falls on the same night as the one I'll be a leader for, however, that won't stop me from doing the study on my own. 

I had a bad night last night.  I just couldn't sleep and had a lot of pain.  Why is it that when I need to be really fresh and rested for something important, I have a bad night? I had to really drag myself out of bed this morning and was rather tired all morning.  When I got home, I got my jammies on and hit the sack.  I slept for 4 hours!  I'm feeling much better and am hoping I sleep well tonight so I can be refreshed for church in the morning.  I usually always go to church on Saturday night but for some reason I kept thinking it was Friday!  I didn't realize I was missing church until I woke up and looked at the clock and realized that church had all ready started.  I don't know why I kept thinking it was Friday. I guess that's what tired does to me.

Things have been better on the home front.  I have taken back my house and am more relaxed no matter what happens with my mother-in-law.  I just do what I need to do and am in control of what happens. I have a lot of prayer warriors surrounding my family and me and I know that makes a huge difference, too.  Yes, she still does crazy things and says mean things, but I don't allow them to affect me like I did.  I'm just praying about everything and giving it all to the Lord.

 Yesterday when I worked in the church office, I had my first bad day.  I did some really goofy things!  For one, I had to copy all the class books for today's class, 3-hole punch them and put them in notebooks.   Everything went fine until I punched the holes in them.  I was be-bopping along just punching along and then I really looked at them.  I thought, "Gee, those holes look too far up on the page!"  Sure enough, I checked them inside of the notebook and they were way off. Oh, the horror!  I called my supervisor to tell her what I had done and she was SO sweet and assured me that she had done it before and not to worry about it.  She told me to recopy them (I had done ELEVEN like that before realizing it!) and redo them. I was almost in tears over this whole thing.  I calmed down and you better believe that I checked each and everyone one as I punched them and double checked the settings on the 3-hole punch.  I also missed two calls that came in because I was in the other room and someone else had to answer the phone.  I felt bad about that, too.  I also had a hard time finding the coffee so I could make the coffee for this mornings class.  It was just one thing after another.  I felt very inept, believe me.  I hope that's the only day I have like that!!  My assistant Pastor came out to my desk and asked if I was all right (I had told him about the punching mishap).  I told him, "Well, I was going to have a conniption fit, but then I decided not to."  LOL  We all had a good laugh and I felt good that I didn't allow my crazy afternoon affect my sense of humor. 

I hope you have a very blessed Sunday!! Go praise your Lord tomorrow and worship with your church.  

God bless you - Julie