Getting Hit In The Heart - Part 2

 Last time I shared about how we can be hurt by others and the pain they can cause our heart.

So how do we get out of this pit of despair? I'm going to share how I do it and what has worked for me.

1.  Refuse to live in the past & forgive.
I used to love to live in the past. I would gather my hurts around me and nurse them and stroke them and keep them alive and kicking. What opened my eyes to realizing what I was doing to myself (and those around me who are always affected by us doing this) was this Scripture:

Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27

I can still remember when I heard our pastor speaking on this subject at church and when he read this Scripture. He said, "Forgive and let go of all bitterness so satan no longer has a foothold in my life and family!" It was like God was just speaking directly to me because I was sitting there in that chair, in bitterness, nursing my hurts and I had been affecting those around me - most noteably, my husband. I was shocked and ashamed of myself because I was becoming exactly what I didn't want to be. I have been careful about that "root of bitterness" ever since that comes from not leaving the past in the past.

2.  When you feel like having a good sulk, go ahead, but limit the time that you sulk. I think it's important to feel what you feel and not pretend that nothing bothers you. I did that for a long time and found that it made me sick and depressed for long periods of time. It's better to just admit that you feel the way you feel and move on.

3.  Write it down; Keep a journal!! This should probably be number one, it's that important. There really is nothing more healing than writing in a journal. Writing down your feelings and sorting them out will save your emotions, your thinking, and your relationships. It's amazing how once you get everything written down, it takes the power away from it. It will clear up how you're feeling and help you to get rid of the poison from others.


4.  Stop looking backward. The Bible says "one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. Philippians 3:13b

I picture a racer in the Olympics. She's running forward, toward the finish line. Suddenly, she decides to start looking behind her for an extended period of time. What's going to happen? Will she keep going forward in a straight line? Will she stumble and fall? Probably. You can't focus on your future and keep your eyes on what the Lord has for you if you're constantly looking backward. 

5. Don't hesitate to distance yourself from people who continually put your life in turmoil. If there is someone who is creating havoc in your life or creating turmoil in your marriage or family, you need to protect yourself and your family. If it's a family member (sibling, parent, etc.) then figure out if you can write to this person instead of talking to them in person or on the phone. If it's not even possible to have written communication, you  may need to make the choice to love them from afar. You can pray for them and ask for God to intervene in their heart, but you don't have to be right in the middle of their poison with them. You should have grace for everyone, but if it continues year after year, then you need to make a decision to protect yourself and your family.  

6.  Pray for yourself to be able to lay your hurts at the throne and leave them there. Pray for those who hurt you. 

7.  Focus on your future and what you know the Lord is calling you to do. Don't allow others to define who you are! Let God show you who you are and what He wants you to do. Remember you are a child of God and that He made you who you are. He formed you and He loves you exactly as you are. 

It's very difficult to have a painful childhood and those who want to continually hurt you. Unfortunately, when we grow up with these issues, we tend to gravitate to people that are like those that hurt us. We can be more discerning with the Lord's help. We can heal and go forward in our life with God at our side. 

"Jesus looked at them and said, '"With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.'" - Mark 10:27

*Please note that I am not a trained or licensed counselor and am only sharing what has helped me. :)


God bless you - Julie

Getting Hit In The Heart

Sometimes our past is never far away. It can creep it's ugly head up at the most inopportune times. Things will be going along, and then, *WHAM*, you get hit in the heart with things that you thought you were past.

This happened to me recently - on Christmas day of all things - when I received a letter from a relative. I got this letter that day because my hubby ran to the post office and picked up our mail. I should have known by the bulk of the letter not to open it that day - maybe never - but you know how it is...curiousity killed the cat. This person wrote a letter filled with self-pity and venom, never a good combination.

When I'm talking about the past here, I'm talking about our childhood and/or young adult years. I'm not talking about something we did wrong in the past, I'm talking about past hurts and, sometimes, abuse against us by others. It can make us feel like we're ten years old again and completely alone - even when we're in our 50's.

 As a child, I was always compared to my sibling (as was she, to me), was ridiculed, made to feel stupid, discouraged from persuing my dreams, and even told I was unloved. I wore a shell of hardened steel on the outside, but inside, I was crushed. Remember that feeling when you were little when you thought your heart would implode from the pain of being hurt? I remember that feeling well.

I had dreams that were put on the shelf. I didn't get to continue my education even though I would have liked to have. I probably could have done it, actually, but was so self-concious and scared, I didn't know how to go about it and was too frightened to try. There's a lot of twists and turns to all this, but suffice to say, with the help of God, I've come a long way.

That's not to say that I'm completely healed of all this. I am probably 90 percent healed but there's still that 10 percent that reverts right back to that insecure, scared child. When this happens, it can be like getting hit in the heart again and the hardened shell comes up around because if it doesn't, the heart truly may explode.

This letter I received brought all that up in a major way. At the time of reading it, I just shrugged it off as when I first read or hear the hurtful words, it doesn't penetrate. It's only the next day or even the next, that the words sink in and start to destroy. They destroy self-worth, good thoughts, and peace; in their place, you're left with self-loathing, bad thoughts and inner turmoil. Satan loves all these things and uses them mightly against us. Soon, we're reveling in these feelings and believing his lies.

So how do we get out of this pit of despair? I'm going to share how I do it and what has worked for me. I will share about this next time.

God bless you - Julie