Sunday Thoughts

Life can be difficult.  Not only that, it can be difficult in waves. Things have been this way for me and my family for the past (almost) year. I was diagnosed with cancer of the uterus, went through chemo and during that, my husband got ill and he was hospitalized for months. Then I had surgery and my husband came home. We then realized that he was not the same and it was two months of trying to figure out how to help him, only to have him hospitalized again.

I have been so sick and so stressed out, it's hard to explain. Then our sweet Cookie died.

 Oh my heart - can I take much more? Evidently, yes, because now I'm having thyroid issues that are causing a lot of other problems. I had thyroid cancer in 2004 and have been managing my thyroid well since having the thyroid removed. However, the chemo treatments have caused a whole new set of problems and, messing with my thyroid levels, is one of them.

Then last week, my youngest son got injured at work. It could have been a lot worse, but he ended up with 17 stitches and a nicked tendon. Of course, it was his right hand and he's right handed. I admire him so much, though, because of his faith in God and that this is all part of His plan. My heart knows this to be true, as well, but my mama heart just grieves that my son got hurt.

How do I go on? How do I find the strength to meet each day with hopefulness and joy? One word - Jesus. He gives me the hope and the strength to face each day.  Am I always joyful? I would love to say yes, but I can't. I've been extremely tired and little down for the past two weeks.  I think this is normal, even for a Christian who truly believes that the Lord is by her side and in control of things. Our human bodies and minds can only take so much before we just crash. I have been dealing with so much for so long, it's natural that I'm tired physically and emotionally.

We have to give ourselves grace. Just like the grace that God gives us as we continue to do sinful things even when we are saved. I have days where I feel guilty because I know I want to do more but I'm unable to physically do it. Or I'm just so tired, my brain won't function like it should (another lovely side-effect of chemo). I have the tendency to beat myself up and tell myself I should be doing more. But then I remember grace and that I need time to heal. It's hard to shut those thoughts off after always being such a go-getter and a multi-tasker. I'm good to do one task now! 😊 But you know what? That's okay! However, just because it's okay doesn't mean it doesn't make me sad or frustrated that my energy levels are so low. I have to accept that until the time comes that I'm completely healed.

My husband is in a long term facility and, while he's doing better, it's been extremely difficult because we aren't allowed inside the building to visit him (thanks Covid) and so all communication is over the phone or by mail. Even though he's doing better, he has a long, long road ahead of him. I don't think he'll be home anytime soon and that's another thing that I have to accept in my day to day life. While I don't mind being alone (I'm a super introvert), it's a huge change, after being married to my hubby almost 39 years and living together, and doing things together for all of those years.

I am so very thankful, though, that I have the Lord to talk to and to lean on during this difficult season. I'm not sure how I would cope without Him - probably not at all, to be quite honest. Even during these hardships, I have not lost the hope that God promises me in His Word. I am in my Bible reading all the time because it does sustain me in a very real way.

If you're going through hard times, I encourage you to know Jesus (if you don't already) and to get to know Him better (if you already are saved). There is no other greater sustainer of life or of mind.

Blessings - Julie

In God I take refuge...in Him I have strength.

It's been a whirlwind week and a half.  I had my pet scan on Friday, October 4th and then sat on pins and needles over the weekend wondering what the outcome would be. It was a long weekend, believe me.

Monday, we celebrated my husbands birthday and had lunch with our sons at our home before my youngest son had to go to work. I made my husband's favorite meal of cheese enchiladas and salad. My oldest son brought the beautiful, delicious birthday cake. It was a lovely time of family and celebration, however, it didn't last.

I received a phone call from my doctor's PA and she informed me that the pet scan showed the cancer had spread to my left lung (a small spot, about the size of a dime), and my liver, and a small spot on my trachea. To say I was shocked is the understatement of the century.  I tried to ask the right questions but was tongue tied and just listened as she explained the next steps.

She said they would do a biopsy either on the lung or liver to determine that it is indeed the uterine cancer that had spread. They would also put a port in so that I could start chemo therapy. So once again, I found myself on the phone arranging appointments to have this done.  My doctor suggested a specific hospital and I willingly went along with this because I had a biopsy on my thyroid back in 2004 and it was a fiasco. My hospital here was ill prepared to do the biopsy and her fear was that I could get to my hospital and they would refuse to do it. The hospital she recommended would not do that to me. 

So last Friday, on the 11th, I headed to the hospital to have my liver biopsy and port put in and then after that, to my doctor's office for what they call "chemo teach". I never thought I would ever hear those words. In any case, the biopsy and the insertion of the port went very well.  I was actually quite scared because I had no idea what to expect.  The hospital was beautiful and everyone so professional and kind. I felt absolutely nothing and, when I informed them I felt like I didn't have enough "twilight" medication, they immediately made sure I was comfortable.  I was so impressed with this hospital that I told my doctor I want to go there when they do my surgery after all the chemo is done.

I will be starting chemo next Friday, October 18th. They wanted to start it Monday the 14th, but my insurance had not approved it. I will be calling tomorrow to see if they got the approval yet, and if not, I will be calling the insurance company to move them along on this! My first chemo will be on a Friday but after that, I will have them on a Monday.  I will have 6 treatments, 3 weeks apart. Each treatment will take 6 hours! After I am done with the chemo, if they find it has eradicated the cancer in my organs, they will then do the surgery.

Friends, I've had some difficult moments through all this. I truly didn't think I would have any cancer outside my uterus. I had faith that God would keep it within it's boundaries. However, God's ways are not my ways and I must accept this path I am on. I am going to do my best to have a positive attitude throughout all this and trust that God will give me the strength I need to face and fight this. 

I have had so many of you praying for me and I am so thankful! Your prayers remind me that I am loved and not alone. I have been so blessed by the emails, private messages, text messages and packages that have arrived to cheer me. You have no idea how much all of this means to me!

We serve a God who cares and I am so thankful that I am sheltered under His wings and that I am shielded by His faithfulness.

In God I take refuge...in Him I have strength.

Blessings - Julie

God is Faithful and Merciful - A Linkup

God is truly faithful. He is there when things seem so out of control and you know all you can do is rely on Him to see you through safely to the end. I know this because He has been there for me, faithfully, time after time. No situation is too big for Him and, even if things don't go exactly as we would like, He is faithful to bring peace and comfort into our lives.

In May, I had another emergency surgery. I was totally taken off guard because it was the same situation I had found myself in the year before. I had another blockage of my intestine only this time,, it was twisted and I didn't have any idea that there was even a problem. That day had started joyous with family over to celebrate Mother's Day and after everyone went home, I started feeling sick. I knew if felt exactly like the problem I had a year before but I couldn't comprehend that it would be the same thing. Finally, the pain got so bad, I told my husband I was going to have to go to the emergency room. Oh how I dread those words. They did a CT scan and, sure enough, there was a big problem that was going to have to be dealt with.

However, God is faithful and my surgeon, that I had the year before, was available and came to see me. He did the surgery and, while he informed me that I'm put together with stitches, staples, rivets, and more, he did a great job and I'm so thankful. It's been a difficult recovery in some ways - mainly the pain from cutting through the muscles and nerves - yet it's been easy in that I feel much better in so many other ways.

The Lord is merciful. While this Scripture from James refers to Job and all he went through I think a lot of us can relate to the hardships that Job went through. He had one thing after another happen and he must have wondered what was going on. I've had days like that since my surgery. Just before my surgery, I had a back injection and it had given me a lot of relief, however, when you have surgery, you are moved around in ways that you would not move yourself if you were fully awake. I woke up from surgery with horrible back pain and have been dealing with it since. I have had another injection but had a medical test and they had me lie on the table in a way I would never do normally and, again, it has undone the relief that I had. Still, I know the Lord is merciful.

I am able to rest when I need to, use the heating pad and know that there is a plan in all of this. God is full of compassion for my pain and I know I will not have to endure more than I'm able. I also know that because he is both faithful and merciful, He will provide a way to get relief again. He always does. I can look back at all He has done and stand on that knowledge. It brings great peace to know that He hasn't left me nor will He.

Is it difficult? Do I have times where I feel so down, I wonder if I can crawl back out of the dark hole I feel I'm stuck in? Absolutely! However, they don't last because God gives me people around me to encourage me and He gives me His Word that comforts me.

No matter what you are going through, remember that God is faithful and merciful. He will hold you through it all and bring you through to the other side. It may be a long journey or a short journey, but He will be there.

Blessings - Julie

You can find out more about the Scripture I share on the Bible Gateway website. They have the Bible in multiple translations plus a lot of other study information. You can go HERE to check it out.

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Would you like to share something from your blog? I'd love to have you link up below! I will leave this open for a week so share away!

Lord Over All

It's the day after Easter and I've been pondering what the resurrection of Jesus means. I've come to one conclusion...it means everything! Everything I believe, how I live my life, and how I treat others all comes down to that one glorious moment when God released Jesus from death and He rose to live and reign at the right hand of God.

Because of Jesus, I always have hope and assurance in all things in my life. I've gone through some really difficult things in my life, as I'm sure you have, too, but knowing that Jesus is there for me, gives me the courage and strength to go on with my life.  To not give up. It would have been so easy for me to give up so many times. Life is hard and we all need a Savior! We need a Savior in every area of our life. Sometimes, it's easy to put Jesus into the box of Savior of our life when we die. Yes, because of my faith in Him, I will have eternal life, but He's much more than that. He's my Savior when I feel like I just can't go one more minute because of the pain I'm in. He's my Savior when I feel like life is just too difficult and too complicated. He's my Savior when I'm not sure what to do next. He's the Savior of my complete life - while I'm living now and when I will pass on to the next life.

Sometimes we like to compartmentalize our life. We will have our work life, home life, family life, friend life and faith life. The thing is, the faith life needs to be over all the other lives. When we do that, it makes everything else fall into place. God doesn't want us to put our faith in a little box and bring it out on Sundays or when we really need Him. No, our faith should be the driving force behind everything we do. I'm not saying this is always easy - especially in today's world. We are scorned and even tortured for our faith. We can feel afraid to put our faith "out there" but if we don't, aren't we just as bad as those who scorn? Either we totally believe or we don't. It's easy to think that if we keep things separate, our lives will be better but it never works out that way. If we don't have a resevoir from God from which to pull from, we're going to come up dry and wanting when we really need the cool refreshment of his Living Water.

After thinking about all this in my own life, I've decided to be more discisive about putting God first in my day and making Him a part of every area of my life. I've been guilty of pushing Him to the back burner more than once but, honestly, that's not really working for me. I'm finding it harder and harder to come back from the bad moments because I have nothing to pull from.

So, on this day after Easter, my heart is to longing to remember who I worship and serve. The risen Lord! He cares about every aspect of my life and yours, too. I'm going to make Him Lord over all my life. How about you?

Blessings - Julie

31 Days of Hope - October 19

As we HOPE for a change in our circumstances, it can be difficult to remember how greatly we are loved. We may feel so alone and, at times, so sad. Yet, if we just focus on this Scripture...

Now these three remain:

faith, hope, and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

The greatest of these is love. Dear one - you are loved. You are loved by the One who is love - God. 

Sometimes this is hard to accept. We may feel that we are being punished for some great sin we have committed or that we are unlovable. I remember feeling that way many days when I was deep in the healing process. Even now, there are days when the pain comes and I wonder why God has forgotten me? Why is He punishing me? We mustn't forget Job! His afflictions were purely spiritual warfare going on around him. We don't know what's happening in the Spiritual world but we know that something is happening all the time - all around us. I believe by reading the Scriptures, that those of us who are believers in Christ have warfare being fought for us all the time. What greater thing for the evil one than to discourage or even turn God's children? He's not interested in those that already follow him - he's interested in those he doesn't have. 

There are three things that are powerful as we go through our difficult times - Faith, HOPE, and Love. We need all three to form a powerful rope that can't be broken when times of trouble come. One strengthens the other and they each build one another up. They do the same for us. We get strength from each of these. Our faith in Jesus is the cornerstone and our HOPE and love is built on Him for, without Him, there is nothing. 

God bless you - Julie

Have Faith

I've been quite ill. I believe it's from having two injections, a week apart. I had one in my knee and one in my back and I haven't been the same since. I always have hot flashes from the shots, but this time, it's beyond hot. I feel like I'm on fire. I also feel quite fuzzy headed and am having headaches. Lesson learned - don't have two shots so close together! I'm hoping this wears off soon!

I've been wanting to do several things, but haven't felt like it. I did finish the one border on my shawl but it took me quite a while. I am so wanting to start a new cross stitch project and set up my planner, but alas, the energy isn't there right now.

Sometimes, it's such a struggle to accept what is, you know? It takes great faith to know, really know, that God is in control and that He's working all these things out. I try not to get concerned about my health issues, but after the year I've had, it's hard not to. This definitely has to stop, though. I can't base my beliefs on the problems but on the blessings!

God's Grace IS immeasurable, His Mercy IS inexhaustible, His peace IS inexpressible!

Blessings - Julie

Look Up!

 As I have walked this road this year of health struggles and pain, I have come to realize that without God, there is no going forward. God gives hope where there is none. When I have no one on this earth to put my faith in, God is the One who is faithful. He holds my entire life in His hands and I can trust him and have faith in Him that He knows what He's doing when no one else does.

It's been a hard journey, not only for me, but for my family. In the blink of an eye, something can happen than can change the course of your life and you are helpless to do anything but go forward and pray each day that you will make it through.

Thankfully, I have had no new infections for which I am so very grateful. Unfortunately, the wounds are not healing properly and they are a concern to my doctor. He at first talked about another surgery at which time my heart dropped to my toes. I have had four surgeries this year and another one seems so daunting. I personally think the reason I'm not healing well is because my body is worn out but I digress. He brought another doctor in as well as his PA and they thought stem cells might work. So, now I wait to see if my insurance will approve this and, if they do, they will place stem cells in the wounds to give them a boost. Oh, how I pray that I'm allowed to get this procedure and that it works! If it doesn't then I will have to have another surgery.

I try to live as normally as I can. I plan out my days and, more times than not, I don't accomplish but a 10th or less of those plans. I'm still house bound so these are things I want to accomplish at home. I celebrate even the little accomplishments because they are huge for me. Putting a meal in the crock pot, dusting, or decorating are reasons to feel good. I was looking at it before as all the things I couldn't do, but that will bring me down lower than I can handle, so I focus on what I can do.

There are people that sustain me. My husband, who is my rock when I can't do anything but cry. He waits on me - not because I ask - but he does it out of love. Ice water, a grilled cheese sandwich, carrying my books from room to room, making sure the pillows are perfect under my legs when I get into bed; these are the things that remind me of how Jesus washed the Disciples feet. My youngest son who drives me two hours away to my doctor appointment despite being tired and in pain himself. My oldest son who comes over and takes on some of the household duties on his days off because I'm unable to. My sweet friend who writes me a Scripture and devotion every morning in a text so that I wake up to God's Word and a reminder that I am loved by her. My sister who emails me with encouragement and prayers, calls me to check on me, and prays continually for my healing; she has known me all my life and loves me in a way no one else can and she sustains me. These are the people who reach out to me, love me even on the hard days, and keep me moving forward. God has blessed me with a loving core group to get me through the hardness of this journey.

I do not forget you, my dear friends. So many of you email me to check on me, leave comments of encouragement and to tell me that you're praying for me. These are lifelines and I am so grateful. You are also the hands and feet of Jesus to me even though I have never met most of you in person.

The key is not to look down at what I can't do, what is left undone, but to focus on the accomplishments and to look up to the One who holds the whole situation - and me - in His mighty and loving hands.

God bless you - Julie

Why I Do What I Do

It's been seven months since this whole thing started. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would still be trying to heal after this operation. I never dreamed that I would have a total of four surgeries in five months or that I would be giving myself IVs or have this crazy contraption of a wound vac on my leg for months. I may have never imagined this, but God knew from the beginning that this would happen. This passed through His hands before it ever came to me. 

I finished my last IV today and am so thankful! It's been three long weeks of five IVs a day, being tired and feeling ill. I'm very thankful to my vascular surgeon and my infectious disease doctor for keeping such a close watch on me and doing what needs to be done. I'm also so thankful to God who continues to take care of me and orchestrates things so I get the best care possible.

"What is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?" - Psalms 8:4

I think of this Scripture each time I think of this journey I've been on. Who am I that God is mindful of me? Yes, this has been a difficult situation, but it could have been so much worse! God has truly had His hand over me and all that has happened, protecting me despite what men do to me. I had a situation recently that seemed really bad as far as my healthcare, however, it was evident to me that God had put this situation in place to move me to a better place. 

"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good. - Genesis 50:20a

This truly was a situation like this, but God truly worked it out for my good. I can only sit in awe and realize I can never praise Him enough or thank Him enough...but I'm certainly going to try!

It's not always easy for me to have faith but I can ask God to give me more faith and He does! He will for you, too. All you have to do is ask Him. I know this sounds so simplistic, but I think sometimes we make our faith and our relationship with Jesus much more complicated than it needs to be. I also want to always encourage you when you come here. That is my main calling and if I don't encourage you, I would feel such sorrow. I pray that the Lord's promises and love always shine through all I share. He is why I write and do what I do. For me, there is no other purpose.

Many blessings to you, my dear friends!

Julie

Walking By Faith

It's not always easy to walk by Faith. We are a visual people and we like to know what's going to happen. We want answers now rather than later. However,the Lord plans EVERYTHING together for good. Even in those dark times, when we can't see how what we're going through could possibly be for good, the Lord uses it to bring us closer to Him.

I think over the past years and the pain I've been in. How could my pain possibly be good? How could my suffering possibly be good for anyone? We don't know. I don't know. I don't have all the answers as to the "why" of my pain. The "why" of our financial struggles. The "why" of my husband's cancer. The "why" of his health issues. The "why" of my son's pain. The "why" of everything bad that happens to us and our loved ones.

I don't have all the answers - only God does. The hard part, yet the easy part, is to just trust in Him and know that He is with us. My most peaceful times are those times when I am in the Word of God, hiding his letters of love in my heart, and praying to him about everything. My most stressful days are those where I don't do this, but try to handle it all on my own.

I'm spending this week after Christmas and before the new year to consider my goals for the upcoming year. I'm spending it in prayer and asking God to give me wisdom about what I should do and what I shouldn't do. I'm asking for the energy I need and for clear direction. I have a lot of ideas but I want to make sure that my ideas are from the Lord and not from myself. I'm also discussing everything with my husband. I want to make sure I have his wisdom and insight about things, too. He always has my best interest at heart and he will help me put the brakes on things when I try to take on too much.

My main goal for the upcoming year is to truly walk in faith - to walk with the Lord - to make him the absolute center of everything I do and say. To walk in faith brings peace and comfort and that's something I definitely want.

God bless you - Julie

Praising Him and Rejoicing!

It's been time for me to stop, take a breath, and share with you all what's happening around here. I know it's been way too long since I actually posted a personal update!

First of all, I am just in awe of our God. He is so amazing and so loving! For those of you that have been following my blog for awhile, you know that two years ago, I fell and injured my back. I already had a bad disc, but with the fall, I injured two more. I was in so much pain, I had to give up everything I was doing in my life and was living day to day in a haze of pain and agony. I was told I probably wouldn't get much better and I steeled myself for a life filled with horrible pain, isolation, and loneliness. However, God had a much better plan for my life!

About 4 months ago, I woke up to find that I didn't have that horrible pain running down my leg! Praise God! I still have pain, but it has gotten so much better! I have been able to slowly, but surely, get back into my life that I had to leave. My latest amazing blessing is that I will be leading a women's Bible study at my church this year! Oh, dear Lord, I thank you and praise you for this huge blessing!! I love being a leader - getting to know the ladies of my church, praying for them, having a precious small, group that loves ones another and the Lord. I will be honest - I never thought I would again be able to do this. The Lord knew the desires of my heart, though, and blessed me.

One thing I must say here - I would have praised Him regardless of how He chose to direct my life. If I were still in horrible pain, I would praise Him. If I never got to lead a study again - I would praise Him. If I was stuck in a recliner, wheelchair, or whatever His will was - I would praise Him. He is worthy to be praised no matter where He directs our life. I never want to forget where I've been - where's He's brought me - I praise Him through all things.

Another amazing thing is that my hubby's psa levels have gone down! This is really another miracle as my husband's doctor didn't expect them to go down - he said he would be happy if they stayed the same as last time as it would be an indication that the cancer was not growing. His first blood test went down 3 points! Praise the Lord! Such wonderful news and I'm so thankful for the many prayers that have gone up for us. My hubby is still tired from all the radiation, but he's improving daily and not having this cancer thing hanging over his head, is truly a blessing.

I actually had a dear friend over for lunch not long ago! Another miracle! I never thought I would be doing that again, either. It was so much fun to talk and giggle. She's a sweet friend and I'm so blessed to have spent such a special time with her. We're going to plan some crafting days so we can get a head start on Christmas presents! This means I'll actually be getting back out to my studio on a regular basis. Another miracle!

I've been reading up a storm (as you can tell from all the book reviews), working on my cross stitch, working on my Christmas felt projects, and am pretty much taking care of my house. My family still helps me, but I'm able to do so much more than I ever thought possible. I have to take it easy at times, but I'm perfectly okay with that! :)

Thank you for your prayers, dear reader. God truly cares so much for us - in all our circumstances. You may be in pain right now, you may be struggling financially, you may be having family issues, but the Lord is with you. He cares for you. Don't give up because you never know what amazing beautiful thing God has in store for you.  

I'm going to share my life verse with you as it has gotten me through and kept my eyes on Him:

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
                                Romans 5:3-5

God bless you - Julie

I Saw The Lord

My Tuesday night Bible study has ended and I learned SO much from it. I hated for it to end, quite frankly. What a wonderful and insightful study!!

I came away knowing that I want the Lord to use me in any way that He wants. I want to know Him more fully! I want to have a deeper and even more meaningful relationship. There is nothing more important than to have a truly deep relationship with the Jesus.

It's so vital that I know God for myself. I need to pay attention to what grabs my heart. These statements were made in the DVD and they are so powerful.

For me, the greatest thing that stood out to me is this statement, "When it gets hard is often when we're in God's will." Wow! I can so relate to this statement. I know that I know that I have been in God's will over these almost 2 years of pain. The Lord has taught me so much. I am closer to Him than ever because in my pain, He is all that I can cling to. I know Him better because he has graciously allowed me to have this pain. He has given me more of a testimony that, hopefully, will help others who also suffer from pain (and cancer, extended family issues and health problems that come to loved ones). Every problem that the Lord allows, we can learn from and we can grow through.

The last part of the study was on Nehemiah. Something that was said on the DVD was that Nehemiah didn't have what he needed to rebuild the wall, but that the Lord provided what he needed and more! Don't you find that the Lord always does that? He not only provides what we need, but He gives us more to do what He calls us to do. He provides the strength we need. I know that whether the Lord heals me or not, He WILL give me the strength that I need to do what He calls me to do.

He has done so much for me. He has healed so much of my pain and I am able to do so much more. I'm realizing that it's time to get back to doing even more for God. It's time to step out and do those things I know He's calling me to do. There is some fear there, I'll be honest, but I also learned that obedience is the touchstone for revivial (another great quote from the study). God has called me to do so much and I have been fearful of some of these things, but now I know that I just need to do it. There is no fear when we step out with God by our side.

God bless you - Julie

More of Him

I was hit again with illness over the past few days. I got the stomach flu and, honestly, I felt so horrible, I wondered if I would live through it. I'm still very weak but finally feeling like I'm on the other side of it. I kept myself isolated in hopes that my husband wouldn't catch it. I couldn't imagine him having to deal with that nasty virus on top of having radiation. Thankfully, I think he's not going to catch it and for that, I'm very grateful!

My husband has 13 more radiation treatments left and I know that he is going to be so glad when it's all over with. He's very tired and having some other side affects, but all in all, he's doing very well. I so admire his faith through all this and his desire to have faith and hope in God despite his illness. He inspires me.

We had snow on Saturday! I know our weather is always unpredictable this time of year, but I was hoping that we were past all the cold temperatures. Our poor fruit trees will probably be unproductive again this year, which is a bummer, but our irises are blooming despite the cold. I have a vase of the cut blossoms sitting by me right now and the smell is intoxicating. Such beautiful flowers! Our lilac bushes also made it through the snow and I think we will have gorgeous blooms in just a few days now.

Life is a series of ups and downs, but the Lord is always with us. He gives us good gifts - like lilacs and irises - and He comforts us when we need to be comforted. I've seen the comfort my husband has gotten over the past few weeks as he goes through this radiation. I know the comfort and peace that He has provided me. I'm so thankful that I know the Lord but I always want more of Him.

God bless you - Julie

Update

I wanted to check in and let you all know that I am doing okay.  I have had my good days and my bad but am very thankful for the good.  I am still experiencing pain and am anxious for my back injection next week! 

I did go to my prayer meeting last week for the first time in over a year! It was so wonderful to be in prayer for our church with the precious ladies in our group.  It's a small group, but a powerful, prayer-filled, Scripture filled group.  Such a blessing to be able to go! My goal is to go to the ministries I'm involved in whenever I can this year.  I'm hoping that it's more often than not.

Did you watch the Broncos/Steelers game on Sunday?  It was a great game with an amazing end! It's so nice to have an athlete that our children can look up to.  Tim Tebow is such a wonderful man of God and I truly believe that his testimony is bringing so many to Jesus.  God bless him!

I've been working on my Bible study, reading the Word of God, writing and crocheting.  I haven't had a lot of energy the past week as I'm still battling a bladder infection (bleah) but it's been a great time of quiet reflection of quiet moments.

My boys went to visit a friend out of town over the weekend and our house was so quiet.  This Mama didn't like it too much.  lol  I'm so blessed to have my boys still living here at home and they add so much to our lives and I missed them.  They had a great time, though, and I'm so glad they were able to go and visit their friend and have a good time for a few days.  They will be having to hit the books in about a week and a half and getting away was a nice time for them just before school starts again. 

Speaking of school, my oldest son has been asked to be in the honors program at his college.  He will be traveling, be involved in community affairs and so forth.  What an honor for him and I'm very proud of him.  I don't doubt that my youngest will also be asked into this program as his grade point is also high.  They have to continue to keep the grade point up before they are asked into the program and as this was my youngest son's first full semester, it will probably be at least another semester before he's asked.  To me it just proves again that homeschooling really does work and is the best foundation for our children. 

God bless you - Julie

God's Perfecting Love

I'm sitting here at my desk looking out at the mountains and watching the quail feeding at my bird feeders and praising my sweet Lord for all He has done and will continue to do in my life.  I am so incredibly blessed - beyond measure - and I can see that the Lord has been working in my life with a perfecting love.  He has been forcing me to see the blessings in my life and to keep my eyes focused on Him instead of the circumstances that I have found myself in.  He has been patient with me on those days I have cried out and told Him that I can't do it anymore.  He's been patient while I've had my pity parties and tried to invite him along.  He's been patient when I sat feeling there was aboslutely nothing I could anymore.  The thing is, I have been thinking that I was serving Him and my family MY way, then I could really serve them at all.  Foolish woman! 

I'm realizing that he has been perfecting me during this past year.  He's forcing me to work on my writing, which has greatly improved and has more depth, all because of Him. He's making me focus on what I can do...not on what I'm no longer able to do.  The reality is I can do a lot more than I could do a year ago.  Just this morning, I was able to put some laundry in the washer and fold another load.  In the past, I would have done it in the laundry room, but now I just put it in a basket and my husband or son carry the basket to my chair where I fold it.  I was also able to help clean the kitchen and made my husband and I a sandwich for lunch.  Now, this isn't anything compared to what I could do before my injury, but it's more than I could do even 6 months ago! God is showing me that it's important to focus on the progress - not the loss.

I am still riding a high today as I was able to go to church Saturday night!! Oh, praise Jesus!! I can't tell you how wonderful it was to sit with my church family and worship the Lord with them and then be fed a wonderful lesson by my Pastor.  I think the Lord must have secretly told Pastor Jon that I was coming because his teaching was about God's love for us and that he does not love us with a pampering love but with a perfecting love. This spoke volumes to me and I have been studying the Scriptures we went over so that I can understand them in even a deeper way. (Jude 1:2, Romans 8:28-39, John 10:22-30)  One of the teaching notes was, "As I grow in my understanding of the Father's perfect love me, my insecurities and fears are driven away!" This is such a truth, that I can say from experience, will transform our lives if we will just grow in our understanding of the Lord! I was also so blessed because my favorite Christian singer, Jamie Slocum, was there and sang a song that always blesses me so much.  It's called "Dependence" the words are so amazing and speak for me, to the Lord, where I'm at now.

My heart is so hungry for the Lord's Word. I just can't seem to read my Bible enough, or listen to enough teachings, or work on Bible studies enough. I will admit that I have times where I am quite complacent about my studying of the Word.  Sometimes, it just becomes a routine but we are not going to really gain what we need to gain when we have that attitude. I love when I read a Scripture and a new truth pops out at me and this happens all the time when I'm really reading the Word with a hungry heart. 

My home is slowly (and I do mean slowly) being transformed into what it was before my injury.  Last year we didn't even have a Christmas tree up! Now for those of you that know me, you know how bad off I was if I didn't decorate for Christmas.  This year, my oldest son pulled all my Fall decorating items out of the cupboard and they are still sitting on the kitchen table awaiting me, but I know that, slowly but surely, these things will be put out and appreciated more than ever before.  I love to decorate for the holidays and seasons and to not be able to do that last year was so hard.  However, I believe that God allowed this in my life to give me a new appreciation for doing these things.  My husband has been holding the reins back on me because I do have the tendency to over-do on the days that I'm feeling better and them I'm really hurting for a few days after.  I am trying to really listen to his counsel on this because I want to get better and not just have a few good days here and there. 

I hope you'll come back tomorrow and join me when we Count Our Blessings.  I have so much to be thankful for...don't you?

God bless you - Julie
  

Prickly People

I've been dealing with a prickly person for about 2 months now. This person is one of those people that feels that only they can handle things right and want to take over everything.  I had a problem with them trying to tell me how to do something I have been doing for years and in the end they suggested that they could do it better. We got past this and I thought the issue was dropped only for it to rear it's ugly head again yesterday. Just for the record, this person is not someone in my family. 

In the past, this would have upset me for days and I would have allowed this to derail me from doing what I need to do or want to do. However, now I understand that satan will create situations (and use people) in the hopes that you won't do what the Lord is calling you to do. In this particular situation, I decided to just stop and think about it and then held my ground without being cruel.  I also didn't let it stop me from working on my writing or the other things I've been working on.  Yes, it upset me for about 30 minutes, during which time I discussed it with my family and sought their advice, and then I let it go. I have accepted the fact that as long as I'm having to deal with this person, it's going to be this way, but I will handle it and I won't allow myself to be distracted or derailed by it.  We really can decide how we are going to react to those around us and not allow them to have that control over us.  It takes some practice and, we need to trust in the Lord for peace and wisdom, but it can be done.

I've been editing my book and doing some rewrites.  I am amazed that I'm at this point and almost ready to actually call it complete! 

Thank you for your input on my website! I really appreciate your thoughts and I do think it's time for a change and an update. 

It's gotten down-right cold here and, yes, I'm very happy! It finally feels like Fall here! I'm hoping I can get my home decorated with my Fall things.  My oldest son helped me get all my things out of the cupboards and on to the kitchen table where they have stayed for about a week. LOL I understand that I have to do things slowly and a little at a time and I accept that. I think the Lord is teaching me patience.

God bless you - Julie   

Grace of God

I find it interesting when some Christians judge people.  Unfortunately, it's usually harsher then you would hear a worldly person judge.  It also grieves me because none of us can fully understand what another person is going through or why they act a certain way.

We honestly don't really know how we would act if put in a certain situation.  We can say all day long, "I would never do that" or "I will never be that way" but until we are faced with that problem, we don't know how we would handle it.  I have been one of those persons that sits on my high and mighty pedestal saying I would never do this or that but then have been smacked clean in the face with the fact that I acted exactly how I said I wouldn't! It's humbling and I've come to realize that if you're going to sit in judgment of others, you better be prepared for God to work in that particular area of your life! 

Falling off that pedestal, though, will give you a compassion for people and to love them as they are.  We aren't all Twiggy (I'm showing my age here...for you whippersnappers, google her!), we aren't all Mother Theresa, we aren't perfect in any way.  We all have issues and it is only through God's grace that we are clean before God.  He loves us just the way we are! Are we above God that we can't love others for who they are and how they look?  We should be showing God's grace to others instead of judging them or saying what's wrong with them.

Next time you find yourself doing this, it would be best to just say, "There for but the grace of God, go I" for that's the truth!

Blessings - Julie

Heavenly Support

I am so thankful for your precious comments and emails.  You have no idea how much your kind words and prayers meant to me.  It was such comfort to hear from you and know that you were holding me before the throne of God.  Truly, there is no greater way to show someone you love them then to pray for them.  Thank you so much for your prayers!

While I am still having pain, the levels have gone down to the point where I'm not in agony.  I know that it is because of so many prayers going up to the Lord from so many of you, my friends and family.  It is also because I made the effort (and yes, dear readers, it was an effort at the time) to seek out God, pray and read His Word. What a balm to my Spirit!  Sometimes when we are down in that pit, it's so easy to just stay there - believing that God has forgotten you - when He hasn't at all.  All I had to do was reach my hand out and there was the Lord ready to pull me out of my pit and help me.

I was reading in my devotional today and this touched my heart so much.  This is from my "Streams in the Desert" and it said that she was in a Southern church where a man was praying and he ended the prayer this way: "And O Lord, support us! Support us on every leaning side!"  Yes, Lord! Support me on my leaning sides. I always feel like I'm leaning from the pain and yet I know that the Lord is there supporting me on my leaning sides! Praise Jesus! How reassuring that the Lord supports us as we lean from one burden or another. We can lean on Him and He makes our ways straight.

In the book I just read and reviewed, "As Silver Refined" by Kay Arthur, she shared a poem that I would like to share with you. It's a wonderful poem reminding us that His ways are not our ways but that what He has for us is really for our best and to bless us.  You can find that poem HERE where you can print it out if you'd like. I hope it will give you peace and hope as it did me.

While my pain is not gone and I still can't do a lot, I know that I am not alone.  The Lord is with me, just like He's with you.  God bless you for your prayers!

Blessings - Julie

What Do You See When You See Me?

I stayed up last night to watch the wedding between Prince William and Catherine Middleton last night.  I'm always up late, but ended up staying up until almost 6 am! I tried to go to sleep at 4 am but then the dogs barked at something and I was up again.  I got 4 hours sleep last night and I'm trying to decide if it was worth it. lol  The wedding was beautiful and the reason I watched it was because it was a historical affair.  As my long time readers know, I do love all things British, however, I'm not a big Royal watcher.  I find focusing on the Royals about the same as focusing on our American movie stars and I'm not into that either. That said, though, I did think it was a beautiful ceremony and they both looked wonderful.  The biggest contrast between William and Catherine and the wedding of Charles and Diana is the love I saw evident on both William and Catherine's faces.  I remember always thinking Charles looked a bit stand-offish during the whole thing. Catherine's dress was gorgeous and well worth waiting to see. 

While watching the ceremony, however, I was struck at the beautiful words about the Lord and Jesus Christ. The whole ceremony was filled with Scripture, words of conviction regarding our walk with Him, Hymns and beautiful music.  I wonder, though, how many of those people truly believe those words...truly have the Lord Jesus as the center of their lives.  Not just a, "I'm a Christian - I was born and raised a Christian" kind of relationship, but a real, vital relationship where He is more important than anything else, kind of relationship.  There is a huge difference and whether my words are offensive to some or not, there is truth in my words because the Lord tells us so in His Word!  1 John 2:6 says, "He who says he abides in Him ought himself also to walk just as He walked".  When people see us, when they talk to us, when they read what we have written, they should know that we are Christians! Furthermore, if people are offended because of your faith, that's even better!! In my mind, that means we are on the right track because only those who are not walking with the Lord are offended by Him and if they are offended by me, then that means they see the Lord in me! Hallelujah!!

I've been working on some special little projects for some sweet little girls I know.  I can't reveal what I'm doing here because those little girls' family reads my blog, but suffice to say, I know they are going to love what I'm doing and I'm so excited to finish and get these things in the mail to them.  I have extra things I'm making that are so precious, so sweet, so girly-girl, I just can hardly stand it!! It's so much fun for me to make these frilly, little things.  When I can share a picture, believe me I will!

I haven't done anything else the past two days. Since my back shot, I had been trying to sit at my desk more and I do believe I made things worse.  My son, who has had the same back shots, said, "Mom, you know that you need to just sit in the recliner and let that all settle! You're doing way too much!".  I decided he was right when I was standing at my shelf, putting a couple of crochet books on the shelf and I felt an electric shot run through my back and down my leg.  Now mind you, I wasn't bending, I didn't have more than 2 lbs in my hands (if that), but I think just the fact that I haven't been resting, contributed to this.  I can't tell you how scared I was.  It hurt so bad and I quickly got to my recliner, turned on the heating pad and prayed I didn't have more problems.  I have had more pain the past two days, but I am taking care of myself and I am going to continue to take care of myself.  I'm not sure why I have this over-whelming feeling that I should not just rest...that I'm not doing enough...blah, blah, blah., but it's starting to affect my health and my getting well and I'm going to stop! From here on out, this girl is going to do whatever it takes to heal.  If I have to stay home for the next year, then so be it.  I'm laying it in God's hands and I'm going to use my brain that He gave me and take care of myself.  *I am now stepping down from my soap box*

I'm very tired tonight and am now going sign off.  Have a blessed weekend!

God bless you - Julie

Taking Stock - Part One

I have come to know one thing for sure:  My hope is in Jesus, my faith is solid and my hope is strong. I'm quite certain that this is what the Lord has been teaching me all these years through the struggles and the joyous time.  Regardless of what is happening in my life, only Jesus is solid, only Jesus gives me what I need, only Jesus saves me now and only Jesus gives me peace that surpasses all understanding!

When I injured my back, my first question was why. I had just started leading a Bible study at church, I was involved in the prayer ministry, the jail ministry and was working in the church office one afternoon a week.  I was starting to paint on canvas, a long held dream of mine.  I was back with my painting group after taking a four year break because of my illnesses and my hubby's illnesses.  In other words, I was doing all kinds of wonderful things that I enjoyed and also that I felt the Lord calling me to do.  Why in the world would He allow my world to just stop?!  I wasn't sure, but now I think I know.

During the last six months, I have been forced to be quiet.  I have been forced to spend a lot of time with me. It hasn't always been easy spending time with me, but I haven't had much choice.  I have been really looking at what I do, who I am and what the Lord wants me to do with my time and with my (for lack of a better word) talents.  I've realized one thing.  I have not been faithful to what the Lord has truly called me to do.  I've known it, but I've ignored it, even though I know that the Lord wants me to do, and further more, told me to do.  I believe now that the Lord stopped me in my tracks and forced me to take a look at what I was not doing for Him.

I will elaborate further on this next time... until then,

God bless you - Julie

Random Thoughts

I've had a couple of tough days.  The pain is back in full force and I sometimes wonder if I will ever know a day without it? I'm tired of fighting the pain, tired of having the pain dictate what I can and cannot do in my life. Mostly, I'm tired.  Taking the pain pills makes me exhausted.  Without them, though, I'm in so much pain, I can't function.  I know that, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1 and this is my season of pain.  However, I also know that this season can be a season of Spiritual growth, of growing closer to God, of writing, of Bible study, and of just being in rest.  I have to keep my eyes on the Lord or I will, quite literally, go crazy.  How wonderful that "Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever." Hebrews 13:8 and that I can depend on Him to see me through.  I get sad sometimes because I can't go to church or to my Bible study and it can feel very isolating, however, the truth is, Jesus is with me.  I am not alone because whether I am sitting in a church building or sitting in my chair at home, Jesus is there.  I can pursue Jesus here and be even more fulfilled because that really is what sustains me.  Sometimes when I'm not going through battles, it's easier to be lazy about my pursuit of Jesus but while in the battle, I want and I need the Lord of all to lead me and show me the way.  There truly is a purpose to what I'm going through.

I have been working on my cross stitch again.  I started a project last year called, "He is Not Here, He has Risen".  It's a beautiful piece and I am hoping that I'll have it done in time for Easter.  It's a beautiful reminder of the fact that our Lord lives! I stitch a bit and then rest.  It makes me really tired sometimes and I think it's the rhythm of the stitching and the pills (again, with the pills).  Yesterday, I actually fell asleep, needle in hand, and woke up wondering what in the world was going on.  LOL  I lead such an exciting life!

It's turned cold here again which makes me very sad because our fruit trees have buds on them.  In all the years we've had these fruit trees, we have never had fruit.  I'm hoping we don't get a hard freeze tonight, but listening to the wind blow outside, I have a feeling we definitely will.

I didn't cook today.  I did put a turkey breast in the oven yesterday and then made stove-top stuffing and frozen green beans.  It was a super easy meal and that's about all I was able to do.  Thank goodness, we had enough left overs that I didn't feel guilty about not cooking today. 

I hope you have a very blessed Monday!!

God bless you - Julie