Thursday, November 20, 2014

Look Up!

 As I have walked this road this year of health struggles and pain, I have come to realize that without God, there is no going forward. God gives hope where there is none. When I have no one on this earth to put my faith in, God is the One who is faithful. He holds my entire life in His hands and I can trust him and have faith in Him that He knows what He's doing when no one else does.

It's been a hard journey, not only for me, but for my family. In the blink of an eye, something can happen than can change the course of your life and you are helpless to do anything but go forward and pray each day that you will make it through.

Thankfully, I have had no new infections for which I am so very grateful. Unfortunately, the wounds are not healing properly and they are a concern to my doctor. He at first talked about another surgery at which time my heart dropped to my toes. I have had four surgeries this year and another one seems so daunting. I personally think the reason I'm not healing well is because my body is worn out but I digress. He brought another doctor in as well as his PA and they thought stem cells might work. So, now I wait to see if my insurance will approve this and, if they do, they will place stem cells in the wounds to give them a boost. Oh, how I pray that I'm allowed to get this procedure and that it works! If it doesn't then I will have to have another surgery.

I try to live as normally as I can. I plan out my days and, more times than not, I don't accomplish but a 10th or less of those plans. I'm still house bound so these are things I want to accomplish at home. I celebrate even the little accomplishments because they are huge for me. Putting a meal in the crock pot, dusting, or decorating are reasons to feel good. I was looking at it before as all the things I couldn't do, but that will bring me down lower than I can handle, so I focus on what I can do.

There are people that sustain me. My husband, who is my rock when I can't do anything but cry. He waits on me - not because I ask - but he does it out of love. Ice water, a grilled cheese sandwich, carrying my books from room to room, making sure the pillows are perfect under my legs when I get into bed; these are the things that remind me of how Jesus washed the Disciples feet. My youngest son who drives me two hours away to my doctor appointment despite being tired and in pain himself. My oldest son who comes over and takes on some of the household duties on his days off because I'm unable to. My sweet friend who writes me a Scripture and devotion every morning in a text so that I wake up to God's Word and a reminder that I am loved by her. My sister who emails me with encouragement and prayers, calls me to check on me, and prays continually for my healing; she has known me all my life and loves me in a way no one else can and she sustains me. These are the people who reach out to me, love me even on the hard days, and keep me moving forward. God has blessed me with a loving core group to get me through the hardness of this journey.

I do not forget you, my dear friends. So many of you email me to check on me, leave comments of encouragement and to tell me that you're praying for me. These are lifelines and I am so grateful. You are also the hands and feet of Jesus to me even though I have never met most of you in person.

The key is not to look down at what I can't do, what is left undone, but to focus on the accomplishments and to look up to the One who holds the whole situation - and me - in His mighty and loving hands.

God bless you - Julie


  1. You and Snoopy are so right! This is precisely what gets me through also.
    I am very interested in what will happen with the stem cell thing with you. This is what my pain management doctor has recommended we do next year in one of my discs. The insurance will NOT cover it for me, so I do not see how it will ever happen for me.

  2. "God gives hope where there is none." You are so right Julie. God always gives hope when it feels like there is none. Please know that I will be praying for you and your sweet family.


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