Sunday, August 30, 2020

Sunday Thoughts

Life can be difficult.  Not only that, it can be difficult in waves. Things have been this way for me and my family for the past (almost) year. I was diagnosed with cancer of the uterus, went through chemo and during that, my husband got ill and he was hospitalized for months. Then I had surgery and my husband came home. We then realized that he was not the same and it was two months of trying to figure out how to help him, only to have him hospitalized again.

I have been so sick and so stressed out, it's hard to explain. Then our sweet Cookie died.

 Oh my heart - can I take much more? Evidently, yes, because now I'm having thyroid issues that are causing a lot of other problems. I had thyroid cancer in 2004 and have been managing my thyroid well since having the thyroid removed. However, the chemo treatments have caused a whole new set of problems and, messing with my thyroid levels, is one of them.

Then last week, my youngest son got injured at work. It could have been a lot worse, but he ended up with 17 stitches and a nicked tendon. Of course, it was his right hand and he's right handed. I admire him so much, though, because of his faith in God and that this is all part of His plan. My heart knows this to be true, as well, but my mama heart just grieves that my son got hurt.

How do I go on? How do I find the strength to meet each day with hopefulness and joy? One word - Jesus. He gives me the hope and the strength to face each day.  Am I always joyful? I would love to say yes, but I can't. I've been extremely tired and little down for the past two weeks.  I think this is normal, even for a Christian who truly believes that the Lord is by her side and in control of things. Our human bodies and minds can only take so much before we just crash. I have been dealing with so much for so long, it's natural that I'm tired physically and emotionally.

We have to give ourselves grace. Just like the grace that God gives us as we continue to do sinful things even when we are saved. I have days where I feel guilty because I know I want to do more but I'm unable to physically do it. Or I'm just so tired, my brain won't function like it should (another lovely side-effect of chemo). I have the tendency to beat myself up and tell myself I should be doing more. But then I remember grace and that I need time to heal. It's hard to shut those thoughts off after always being such a go-getter and a multi-tasker. I'm good to do one task now! 😊 But you know what? That's okay! However, just because it's okay doesn't mean it doesn't make me sad or frustrated that my energy levels are so low. I have to accept that until the time comes that I'm completely healed.

My husband is in a long term facility and, while he's doing better, it's been extremely difficult because we aren't allowed inside the building to visit him (thanks Covid) and so all communication is over the phone or by mail. Even though he's doing better, he has a long, long road ahead of him. I don't think he'll be home anytime soon and that's another thing that I have to accept in my day to day life. While I don't mind being alone (I'm a super introvert), it's a huge change, after being married to my hubby almost 39 years and living together, and doing things together for all of those years.

I am so very thankful, though, that I have the Lord to talk to and to lean on during this difficult season. I'm not sure how I would cope without Him - probably not at all, to be quite honest. Even during these hardships, I have not lost the hope that God promises me in His Word. I am in my Bible reading all the time because it does sustain me in a very real way.

If you're going through hard times, I encourage you to know Jesus (if you don't already) and to get to know Him better (if you already are saved). There is no other greater sustainer of life or of mind.

Blessings - Julie

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry to hear of the awful, fiery trials you are walking through and the loss of your dear, little dog. Bless your dear hearts. I am praying for you and trusting God will let your husband soon come home and there will be brighter days ahead for you and your son will heal perfectly. Jesus is with you, in spite of all. May He lift your heavy spirit today.


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