Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Sharing my heart

I'm tired tonight after working at my mother-in-laws house all day and decided to sit down in front of the computer before going to bed and read some of my favorite blogs. There was a recurrent theme tonight among my blogging friends - and it really touched my heart. It is "dying to self". It is SO hard to die to self and allow God to work His work in our lives. It's so much easier to just be wholly concerned with ourselves and do "our own thing". It really is because we are selfish creatures. I don't like admitting that I'm selfish. In fact, I'll tell myself how righteous I am, how giving, how self-sacrificing I am. Oh, dear. Really?!

It's been a difficult couple of months. You've read about all my trials and tribulations in putting together my son's graduation, the drama of my in-laws illnesses and the taking over so much of their responsibilities. In all this - I've felt quite proud of myself for doing so much. I'm lamented over and over how difficult everything is - poor, pitiful Pearlie (as my mother used to say). The drama queen - that's me.

I'm not happy with the fact that I've been so self-righteous and prideful. This is totally in opposition with God and what He calls me to do and be. Jesus certainly didn't walk in pride when He was performing such wonderful miracles and giving of himself to others - even when you know He must have had times of pure exhaustion.

1 Peter 5:5 tells me, " . . .be submissive to one another and be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble".

James 4:8 - "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."

Have I been drawing near to God? I'm ashamed to say that I haven't. I've been "so busy" I've been putting my prayer and quiet time with the Lord on the back burner. I've justified this action by telling myself I'm too busy right now to take my quiet time. How foolish!!! It's during these busy and exhausting times that I need the Lord more than ever! No wonder I've been slipping down that slippery slope called "pride".

The Lord has spoken to my heart through others that love Him and I intend to listen! The Lord is nudging my heart and mind and drawing me back to Him - where I belong!!

Thank you, Lord, for drawing me near to you, for allowing me to come to you - again and again - after I fail you. I commit my heart, mind, and soul to you and I give YOU my time to do with it as you please. Use my life as you would and allow me to serve others humbly, in YOUR name and not in mine. Thank you for the gift of Jesus and help me to keep my eyes on Him and live my life as humbly as He did here on earth.

Love, Julie

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