Counting Our Blessings - Link Up!

I know I've been rather quiet lately. I've been really tired and not really feeling too great. Lots of pain, swelling and just over all exhaustion. It is what it is and I'm trying to be gentle with myself and rest as much as I need to. In all of this, there are still blessings to be found!

43.  I had to go to the big city, 2 hours away, and see my surgeon who did the bypass in my leg. I had to have an ultra-sound to make sure everything is still working properly. Thankfully, all looks good! I'm very thankful and it's a relief for another six months until we do another ultra-sound. My surgeon is in a new practice, in a new building so while I was there, I took some pictures. I love the downtown area and got some really pretty photos.

I also took some pictures of the gorgeous flowers they have in the city and made a collage of the scenery and flowers.

I love visiting the city - especially the downtown area. I wouldn't want to live there, but I love being able to visit for a day. Very thankful and blessed for my wonderful doctor, my good report on my leg, and for a lovely day in the city.

44. My hubby and I made a little trek into the Goodwill one day and I found this cutie pie in a bag with other toys for $2.99! She's in wonderful shape and still has her TY tag.

As you all know, I just love Pinky Pie from My Little Pony and was thrilled to find this little treasure. Amazing enough, everything in the bag with her was something I could use! So for that little amount of money, I got a bag of cute stuff. What a blessing!

45.  I had the opportunity to trade postcards with a girl that lives in Boston. I had never heard of doing this before and thought it sounded like a fun idea! She sent me this cute card.

I sent her a card from my area and it was so much fun doing this! I'm thinking this will be something I want to do again. I would love to do it with ladies who live overseas. How fun would that be? This was so fun getting this in the mail!!

46.  On days I feel pretty good, I love working in my planner. My hubby got me some adorable cards at Hobby Lobby when we were in the big city and they are so inspirational and fun. I put this card in the front of my planner...

It reminds me to shine for Jesus in everything I do! Don't you just love this? I also love the washi tape I used to put it in the planner. It's so much fun to change these cards out and remind myself of good, positive things!

Now it's your turn to share your blessings! You can share anything that will bless others - something you've written, made, or a list of your blessings. I just want you to feel that you can share on this link-up whatever blesses you! Please share my button on your blog. I really appreciate that as it directs others to this link-up.

An InLinkz Link-up

Blessings - Julie

Roller Coaster Ride of Life

I've been riding that roller coaster of life for the past few weeks. The scariest part came last Friday when I went to see my vascular surgeon (who did the bypass in my leg) and my infectious disease doctor. Let me back up in my story, though, so you know what's been going on.

About a week and a half ago, my two in home nurses were here. The wound care nurse pulled my bandage off my knee, with my injection nurse watching, and they both said, "Uh-oh" in unison. This is something you never, ever want to hear from your caregiver. There was puss in the knee wound and a new hole had formed. My nurse took a culture and sent it to both my wound care doctor and my infectious disease doctor. We had a preliminary result on that Friday, but the infectious disease doctor wanted to grow it out. When I went to my wound care center, he was not concerned about it and didn't put me on anything. My infectious disease doctor decided he wanted to wait and see the wound when I saw him on Friday. I really wasn't worried as no one else seemed to be.

Back to my appointment....so the vascular doctor looked at everything, pronounced it looking good and moved on. I had to wait for my infectious disease doctor who did not pronounce it all good and made some ominous suppositions. The hole in my knee is about the size of a q-tip end and tunnels about 3-4cm. After looking at my culture, my infectious disease doctor put me back on the IV meds (2 different kinds, including Vancomyacin) and then proceeded to scare the living daylights out of me when he said, "We need to make sure that this infection hasn't gotten into the knee joint hardware." I asked him what that would mean if it did and he said, "You would have to have this knee joint taken out and a new one put in." The room went quiet and then I started crying. My doctors just stood there while I cried as they just didn't know what to say.  I composed myself and the doctor got an MRI arranged that afternoon with the sister hospital to the one I went to. That was a small miracle because my insurance approved it over the phone and they had an opening for me to do the MRI. I had to lie on the table for over one hour as they did a huge section of my leg to check for infection. I was amazed that I was able to lie there without my back killing me. That was truly God helping me! I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get up...but I finally did!

I am asking for prayer, dear friends. Please pray that there is no infection in the hardware. I'll be honest - I just am so exhausted by all this and the thought of another surgery sends me into panic mode and just despair. I am praying fervently that my knee replacement is fine and that these IV meds will take care of whatever there is in the tissue. I'm asking you to agree with me in prayer on this.

I talked with my sister last week about all this and was in tears as I was telling her. She said to me, "Julie, God and satan are in battle over you." That stopped me cold as I never thought about that at all. She said it was like Job and how the Lord allowed satan to test Job to prove that Job would be faithful no matter what. She said I was the same way and that satan was trying to break me down. I will not allow him to break me down and nothing - nothing - will make me ever lose my faith in my true Lord, Jesus, or to turn away from Him. Without Him, I am nothing! I love Him too much and He is my everything!

I thank you for your prayers, your sweet comments and your love! They truly have sustained me through these last few difficult months. You are all so special to me and I thank God for you!

Blessings - Julie

Sunday Thoughts

For a person who is not feeling well, is in pain, or is dealing with any kind of hardship, there can be some very difficult days where you have a hard time keeping your eyes on the Lord and not on your circumstances. I've noticed this especially since I've had this knee operation that turned into a cut artery that turned into an 18" bypass. Many of you know about this, but I wanted to share my circumstances for any new readers out there. Add in the fact that my sweet little Yorkie is dying of cancer and you have the perfect formula for wanting to focus on the negative.

I'll be honest, I've had some really horrible days. Days where I've ranted and raved about what is happening. Questioning the why of it all. My very patient husband has listened but then gently reminds me that the Lord loves me, is in control, and has always blessed us beyond measure. I'm so thankful for this man who keeps me grounded in the Word and helps me to focus on what the reality is. The heavenly reality - not the earthly reality.

The things of this earth will pass away. The Lord tells us,

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal; for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

Instead of focusing on all that has happened to me and is happening now, I have to spend time in God's Word. When I don't, I become angry and too focused on this earthly stuff. Yes, it's horrible what happened to me and it's horrible what's happening to my sweet Holly. However, when I put it into perspective of the horribleness that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, went through when they ridiculed him, beat him, and then nailed him to the cross, it doesn't compare. He went willingly, for me and for you, to give us eternal life so we can share in the heavenly blessings when Jesus comes back for us in the Resurrection. 

If you're going through a hard time, like me, I encourage you to keep a journal where you can vent (or if you have a patient family member, share your feelings with them) and then get right back into the Word of God. It's the only thing that will calm your heart and comfort your emotions.

God bless you on this precious Lord's day!!

Blessings - Julie

Fighting the Circled Wagons

I wish I could explain to people how I feel without them either thinking that I've lost my faith (which I never would, by the way) or that I'm over-reacting or that I shouldn't have any down thoughts "if I'm truly a Christian". Where do people get these ideas? For goodness sake, when Jesus was here on this earth, he wept, he had times of needing to be alone and get away from others, he was afraid when it was the time for him to sacrifice himself for our sins. In other words, he was fully human as well as being fully God. 

Today was a tough day for me. I went back to the doctor that I have thought so highly of for so many years and he basically circled the wagons around this surgeon. He told me that he was a good doctor even after not understanding why he didn't do a culture on the wounds or an X-ray on the knee to make sure the infection hadn't gone into the knee joint, or why he hadn't called me to set up an appointment after he called his office yesterday and they assured him they would be calling me yesterday afternoon to do just that. In fact, he didn't even pull off the bandages to see what the wounds looked like today. He looked at the color of my leg and felt the temperature and that was it. He then called the surgeons office again where he made an appointment for 7:40 in the morning...7:40 In the morning!! Now, you all know I'm not a morning person, but what choice did I have? I left there feeling like this was all somehow my fault when none of it is my fault at all. I also felt that I had another doctor washing his hands of the whole thing because he didn't want to get involved in this huge mess this surgeon created.

I have been so diligent about taking care of my wounds. I have done exactly what they have told me to do to the letter. In fact, it's because of following the surgeons office directions that I believe caused this infection. I saw a PA on one appointment because the doctor was out sick and she told me to clean the incisions 3 times per day with hydrogen peroxide and then bandage them. That's when all this infection started. I have since found out that peroxide not only kills the bad cells but the good cells as well that are trying to heal the wound. I have never liked peroxide and this convinces me that I was right once again! 

Today marks two months since my botched knee surgery and then my bypass because he cut the artery. By this time, my wounds should have been healed...but no...I'm still fighting infection and praying for healing. 

So, if I seem down right now,it's because I am. If I am truly disappointed in how all this has been handled, it's because I am. If I can't put my big girl panties on right now and "get past it", that's just too bad. I feel what I feel right now and right now I'm feeling rather frightened, alone, and at the mercy of the circled wagons. 

My saving grace is just that...the fact that I know Jesus, my Savior, is with me. He is my lifeline. My only lifeline and I'm so thankful for Him. He understands that it's okay that I'm having these feelings because He knows that my eyes are always on Him and my heart belongs to Him. I also want to make clear that I do have amazing, wonderful friends that are praying for me and not judging me but have understanding concerns for me. It can sometimes be just one person that makes you feel devastated. The fact that this Christian doctor I've known for so long would not be honest with me about the fact that this surgeon has handled this really poorly, devastated me, too. 

I'm truly sorry if thus post is a rambling mess, but it had to get this all out. Tomorrow is a new day and I know I'll feel better again. 

Blessings - Julie

Praising God for All He Does!

Wow! What a week so far! My oldest son's birthday was this past weekend. I made him a chocolate cake but then did something stupid. I decided to deviate from my own "recipe" which is actually nothing more than a pinch of this and a pinch of that, and I followed a recipe I found online. Huge mistake! The frosting was more like mortar that you'd put between bricks and there was no fixing it! Believe me, I tried. So...I had my youngest son go out and get another cake mix, and I'm going to do it again in a few days. This time, I will stick with what I know and it will be amazing because, (and I say this with as much modesty as possible), my frosting is always amazing. I will never do this again...I will stick with a tried and true method. We had BLT's at my son's request and they were very yummy. We had kind of a quiet day, but it was a really nice day. Needless to say, after all this, I was totally exhausted and had to recover for a couple days. Totally worth it, though. I'm so thankful I get to celebrate my son's birthday with him another year!

Now on to this little girl...

She is doing SO great! She acts like she never had any kind of surgery. She was pretty groggy for a couple of days, but after that, she started acting like her old self and I've seen such a change in her. I think she wasn't feeling good for awhile but it wasn't enough for us to understand that she was sick. Now I'm seeing her old self. She had been getting to the point where she didn't want to sleep with me before, but now, she sleeps with me all night just like she used to. I'm so thrilled she's feeling so good. I haven't gotten the pathology report yet so I don't know about the cancer, but I'm praying and choosing to believe she will be fine. I just love this girl....I know, I've said that. :)

I had my second physical therapy session today. It was a good session and I felt like I really made some progress. My knee ended up at 90 degrees, which is great for me. My leg is still very swollen and I'm fighting against that - plus the bypass. I really like my therapist and he is always very careful about the bypass and get inspires me to really push myself as far as I can. I'm so thankful for him as I know he is the perfect therapist for me. My hubby really likes him, too, for all those same reasons. It's been a concern to him that we would get a therapist that wouldn't be concerned about the bypass. It's all worked out beautifully.

We had two answers to prayer today. These were prayers that we had not spoken to others of but we were praying about as a family. God is so amazing and so good - He decided to bless us with "Yes" today! One prayer was concerning me and one prayer was concerning one of my sons. I am in awe and in wonder at how the Lord loves us so much that He would just bless us this way. These answers have lifted weights off our shoulders and given us clear-cut direction, too. I'm just praising the Lord for all He does and all He will continue to do in our lives!!!

God bless you - Julie

Little Steps of Progress

Today I got some of my staples out of my incisions. I went properly "medicated" so I wouldn't be all stressed out by the pain. I've had staples out before, but never when they have been in this long. Today marks the one month mark since that horrible day when I had the artery cut.

I have never seen staples that small and the nurse had a hard time finding some of them as my skin had grown over them. Thankfully, I only really felt one of the staples being removed, so that was such a relief!! They only took about every other one out, and on the actual bypass incision, he only took two out because it still is pulling a bit and leaking a bit and he didn't want to take the chance of it breaking open. The knee staples were a snap and he took about half of those out, too. They are the size I'm more used to, so they were easier to remove for the nurse. All in all, it went well and I feel much better where those staples are gone. I think they are starting to be a bit irritating at this point.

I came home and was able to lay on my bed and do the exercises where I put my leg on the wall and then bring my leg down to bend the knee. This exercise really helps to bend the knee and I really felt like I did well. I did promptly fall asleep afterwards! I haven't laid on my bed since I've been home and it was so wonderful! I've missed my bed! lol I still don't think I can sleep in it all night because I have to have help getting up and if I need to get up in the night, then I'd have to get someone up to help me, so until I can get up on my own, I'll still be sleeping in my recliner.

I've been studying Ephesians and have been reading a lot. I would love to get out my cross stitch, but my brain just can't focus enough at this point to really work on anything. I do think I'm going to try and work on my crochet, though, tomorrow. I need to do something creative because it really helps me.

We finally had rain tonight. There's nothing more peaceful than hearing the rain on the skylight. I love it as long as I don't have to go out in the mud. We really need the moisture, so I'm really happy that we are getting some rain.

I want to thank you again for all your sweet comments, your many prayers, and your wonderful emails you have sent me. They mean so much to me!!

Blessings - Julie

Update on my surgeries

It's been almost a month since my surgery. I'm still trying to recover and I'm still so exhausted! I fell asleep today after going to the Cardiologist, and I would probably still be asleep, but my hubby came home and the doggies went crazy with barking. LOL They just love to bark.

I was so blessed to get in with my Cardiologist today. They called me yesterday and said that they had a cancellation for this morning and would I want to come in. Absolutely!! He is so busy so I knew that God's hand was in this situation and that I was so blessed to get this appointment.

He was very concerned about the swelling in my legs. He put me on a new water pill that will, hopefully, help with this situation. The other thing he was concerned about was that my staples are still in my bypass incision. Like I said, it's been almost a month and the staples have not been removed. He would have done it, but he didn't have a staple remover because it's not something he uses in his practice. He said that they definitely need to come out this Friday when I have my appointment with the orthopedic surgeon. He is going to do a special test to make sure the bypass is doing well and then he will monitor me to make sure all is well. I am so thankful. He is such a wonderful doctor and I am thankful that he will be watching over me. He said some scary things about some of the bad things that could happen, but I knew it. It's something that will change my life forever and will have to be monitored forever.

On a brighter note, my sons went to WalMart the other day and brought me home this...

He tells the story of Easter and is so adorable! Here's a picture of him talking - so cute!

When they brought me this, it just brought tears to my eyes. I was so touched that they would think of me and bring me something so cute! I love that the bunny talks about Jesus, too.

Here's a picture of Holly. She's been pretty clingy since I came back home, but she's finally getting back to her old self in a lot of ways. She loves to hide in the pillows - either on the bed or the couch - and here she is peeking out from behind the pillows of the couch.

She just cracks me up! She is such a sweet little thing and I'm so glad she's calming down and realizes that I'm here now.

I've been reading like crazy as I got behind on my reading and reviewing. I haven't felt like doing any cross stitch, crochet or anything else. I'm just too tired to concentrate on much of anything but TV or books right now. I know it will get better, but your prayers are so welcome and I'm so thankful for them! I do have a prayer request regarding my insurance and would be so thankful that you would pray specifically regarding this! It's stressing me out a bit. I know that God will work it all out but I would be so thankful if you would pray that my insurance would get straightened out and that I would be back on it before the end of February! Thank you, dear friends!!

Blessings - Julie

An Update

 

It's been a challenging week. I've been having some good moments and some not so good moments. My biggest issue is my swollen legs. They are so swollen, they are uncomfortable. My other issue is that the incision where the bypass was done, is leaking fluids because my legs are so swollen. I'm sorry if this is too much information, but this is my reality.

I see the orthopedic surgeon in the morning and I think he will be removing the staples from my knee incision. I'm not sure what will happen with the bypass incisions, but I'm leery of having him do much of anything with them. I'm trying to get into my husband's cardiologist so he can monitor this bypass, but again, this is all something I was never prepared for so I'm at a loss as to what to do. The surgeon who did the bypass, released me, so going back to him is not an option, either.

I have been so blessed by the caring of my family, friends, and church family. We have been provided with beautiful and delicious meals, I've received cards, phone calls, text messages, and just loved on. It truly has given me the strength to keep going on. This has been an emotional roller-coaster for me and I have times of just pure exhaustion. I thank God, though, for providing so many loving hands, words, and hugs to see me through all this.

Blessings - Julie