Sunday Thoughts

Life can be difficult.  Not only that, it can be difficult in waves. Things have been this way for me and my family for the past (almost) year. I was diagnosed with cancer of the uterus, went through chemo and during that, my husband got ill and he was hospitalized for months. Then I had surgery and my husband came home. We then realized that he was not the same and it was two months of trying to figure out how to help him, only to have him hospitalized again.

I have been so sick and so stressed out, it's hard to explain. Then our sweet Cookie died.

 Oh my heart - can I take much more? Evidently, yes, because now I'm having thyroid issues that are causing a lot of other problems. I had thyroid cancer in 2004 and have been managing my thyroid well since having the thyroid removed. However, the chemo treatments have caused a whole new set of problems and, messing with my thyroid levels, is one of them.

Then last week, my youngest son got injured at work. It could have been a lot worse, but he ended up with 17 stitches and a nicked tendon. Of course, it was his right hand and he's right handed. I admire him so much, though, because of his faith in God and that this is all part of His plan. My heart knows this to be true, as well, but my mama heart just grieves that my son got hurt.

How do I go on? How do I find the strength to meet each day with hopefulness and joy? One word - Jesus. He gives me the hope and the strength to face each day.  Am I always joyful? I would love to say yes, but I can't. I've been extremely tired and little down for the past two weeks.  I think this is normal, even for a Christian who truly believes that the Lord is by her side and in control of things. Our human bodies and minds can only take so much before we just crash. I have been dealing with so much for so long, it's natural that I'm tired physically and emotionally.

We have to give ourselves grace. Just like the grace that God gives us as we continue to do sinful things even when we are saved. I have days where I feel guilty because I know I want to do more but I'm unable to physically do it. Or I'm just so tired, my brain won't function like it should (another lovely side-effect of chemo). I have the tendency to beat myself up and tell myself I should be doing more. But then I remember grace and that I need time to heal. It's hard to shut those thoughts off after always being such a go-getter and a multi-tasker. I'm good to do one task now! 😊 But you know what? That's okay! However, just because it's okay doesn't mean it doesn't make me sad or frustrated that my energy levels are so low. I have to accept that until the time comes that I'm completely healed.

My husband is in a long term facility and, while he's doing better, it's been extremely difficult because we aren't allowed inside the building to visit him (thanks Covid) and so all communication is over the phone or by mail. Even though he's doing better, he has a long, long road ahead of him. I don't think he'll be home anytime soon and that's another thing that I have to accept in my day to day life. While I don't mind being alone (I'm a super introvert), it's a huge change, after being married to my hubby almost 39 years and living together, and doing things together for all of those years.

I am so very thankful, though, that I have the Lord to talk to and to lean on during this difficult season. I'm not sure how I would cope without Him - probably not at all, to be quite honest. Even during these hardships, I have not lost the hope that God promises me in His Word. I am in my Bible reading all the time because it does sustain me in a very real way.

If you're going through hard times, I encourage you to know Jesus (if you don't already) and to get to know Him better (if you already are saved). There is no other greater sustainer of life or of mind.

Blessings - Julie

My Health Update

I'll be honest. This situation I'm dealing with right now after my initial surgery is wearing me thin. Just as an update, and for those who haven't been following what's going on with me, I had surgery at the end of September 2017 for my diverticulitis. During my initial consultation, this surgeon assured me that she would go in, cut the bad colon out, then stitch me back up and I would go home the next day. Easy peasy, right? Wrong.

When I woke up from the surgery, I had an ileostomy bag...huge shock! ...this was never even discussed! The ostomy is placed so low on my abdomen, I can't see it to change my own bag! You can go back HERE and HERE to read more about the aftermath of all this, if you're so inclined.

I had my colonoscopy last week to determine if I could go ahead with my reversal surgery, that was even going to be moved up to January 9th. I was so excited to think I would get this surgery over and done with at the first of the year rather than in February. Well, as with this whole situation, I won't be doing the surgery anytime soon. My colon tissue is so fragile, she cannot do the reversal at this time. I tried to find out when she thought I could do the reversal, but she's very non-committal.

She did talk about better nutrition and I will be working on that. I was warned off so many things at the beginning of this - like vitamins and fresh fruits and vegetables. With more research, I'm finding out that this was only for the first few weeks. So, I will be adding more good fresh foods to my diet and taking my vitamins again.

Frankly, this is just an example of the little to no information I've had from this doctor. She has also continually changed what will happen with all this. The surgery didn't go as she said, the bag has already been on for way longer than 3 months, and she's changed other conditions to the reversal now. It's disheartening.

However...this Scripture I posted above,

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; 

He will never leave you nor forsake you. 

Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. - Deuteronomy 31:8

gives me hope and a measure of peace. I know that God goes before me on this. He is not surprised by all this or shocked. I may be but He isn't. So, I will put my trust in Him and know that He is working everything out for my good. He is with me every step of the way through this. I will not be afraid or discouraged - or I'll try not to be! 😉

I am asking for prayers regarding this. First and foremost that I wouldn't be discouraged. Second, for the healing of my colon and that I would get healthier day by day. Thank you so much!

I also want you to know that I will pray for you! If you have a special prayer request, please feel free to comment here or email me (you can find my contact tab at the top of the page). I know sometimes it feels more comfortable to email and keep things private, so please do if you need prayer.

Thank you for being with me on this journey and for caring! I have gotten so much encouragement and prayer - I feel thankful that I can ask for more. 😌

Blessings - Julie

Impatient to Heal!

I'm still healing, which is a good thing, but I'm very impatient! Once the stitches came out, I've became suddenly full of impatience about them healing completely - and now! lol The biggest delay to my healing is my tiredness. I know this is totally normal, after the year I had. I also can't walk very well or very far, even around my house, but it does make for very difficult days when I want to get things done! I know God is really teaching me about patience and trusting in Him alone. I've had to fully rely on Him through this whole year and it has strengthened my faith in many ways. It's also teaching me to have grace for myself when I can't do very much because of my leg, my knee, and the fact I can't walk much.

I've had a lot of tired days, but on the days that I feel good, I've been working on my art journal and my faith journal. I've had to give myself some grace because I'm already behind on both. I'm part of an online group for both journals where we get weekly prompts for our journals. In the past, I would have been full of anxiety about being behind, but now I just relax and do the best I can.

My faith journal is in the drawing stage right now so I don't have a picture to show of it right now, but will share it very soon.

I was working on my shawl when I realized, with horror, that I didn't have enough of the yarn I was using. Hubby took me and my sample to Hobby Lobby, where I had bought it, but the color lot was totally different and I couldn't find anything that matched even remotely. I ended up choosing an aqua color but that didn't look good at all. So back to Hobby Lobby where I chose a dark purple. I think it's going to look quite lovely, but it's a good reminder to myself to always make sure I buy enough of the yarn in the right dye-lot! Here's a picture of it so far.

I'll put the gorgeous border on in the next few days and then share a picture of it. I'm really hoping the dark purple will look as good as I think it will.

Blessings - Julie