God is Faithful and Merciful - A Linkup

God is truly faithful. He is there when things seem so out of control and you know all you can do is rely on Him to see you through safely to the end. I know this because He has been there for me, faithfully, time after time. No situation is too big for Him and, even if things don't go exactly as we would like, He is faithful to bring peace and comfort into our lives.

In May, I had another emergency surgery. I was totally taken off guard because it was the same situation I had found myself in the year before. I had another blockage of my intestine only this time,, it was twisted and I didn't have any idea that there was even a problem. That day had started joyous with family over to celebrate Mother's Day and after everyone went home, I started feeling sick. I knew if felt exactly like the problem I had a year before but I couldn't comprehend that it would be the same thing. Finally, the pain got so bad, I told my husband I was going to have to go to the emergency room. Oh how I dread those words. They did a CT scan and, sure enough, there was a big problem that was going to have to be dealt with.

However, God is faithful and my surgeon, that I had the year before, was available and came to see me. He did the surgery and, while he informed me that I'm put together with stitches, staples, rivets, and more, he did a great job and I'm so thankful. It's been a difficult recovery in some ways - mainly the pain from cutting through the muscles and nerves - yet it's been easy in that I feel much better in so many other ways.

The Lord is merciful. While this Scripture from James refers to Job and all he went through I think a lot of us can relate to the hardships that Job went through. He had one thing after another happen and he must have wondered what was going on. I've had days like that since my surgery. Just before my surgery, I had a back injection and it had given me a lot of relief, however, when you have surgery, you are moved around in ways that you would not move yourself if you were fully awake. I woke up from surgery with horrible back pain and have been dealing with it since. I have had another injection but had a medical test and they had me lie on the table in a way I would never do normally and, again, it has undone the relief that I had. Still, I know the Lord is merciful.

I am able to rest when I need to, use the heating pad and know that there is a plan in all of this. God is full of compassion for my pain and I know I will not have to endure more than I'm able. I also know that because he is both faithful and merciful, He will provide a way to get relief again. He always does. I can look back at all He has done and stand on that knowledge. It brings great peace to know that He hasn't left me nor will He.

Is it difficult? Do I have times where I feel so down, I wonder if I can crawl back out of the dark hole I feel I'm stuck in? Absolutely! However, they don't last because God gives me people around me to encourage me and He gives me His Word that comforts me.

No matter what you are going through, remember that God is faithful and merciful. He will hold you through it all and bring you through to the other side. It may be a long journey or a short journey, but He will be there.

Blessings - Julie

You can find out more about the Scripture I share on the Bible Gateway website. They have the Bible in multiple translations plus a lot of other study information. You can go HERE to check it out.

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Would you like to share something from your blog? I'd love to have you link up below! I will leave this open for a week so share away!

Be Willing To Walk Alone

I saw this the other day and it struck such a chord with me. My heart has been pretty beaten up the past few years and I think part of it is because things have changed so drastically for me. In four short years, my life has been turned upside down. People have left my life, never to be heard from again. Of course, I have left other people's lives because it was better for my mental health and well-being. I think the hardest part is the family that I don't hear from any longer. Not just blood family but church family - and I don't know why.

I am in a grieving period. My heart is broken and there have been way too many things that have changed for me to cope right now. I've been coping for four years but everyone has their breaking point and I'm at mine. It's like you're dangling from a thin piece of rope one day, hanging on for dear life, and then something or someone cuts that rope and you're mentally and emotionally done. It comes down to just self care at that point - like a cat licking it's wounds. Being quiet and introspective.

Yes, I know that Jesus is with me. God tells me that in the Bible and I believe it and it allows me to keep going but, you know what?  Sometimes we need our people around us. Sometimes we need people to reach out - not out of guilt - but out of true genuine caring. We need people to put aside their own personal prides and self-interests and be a part of our life. A true part, not something done out of guilt because that's just the worst. It's even worse than the being alone.

I'm not asking for pity or for anyone to feel guilty. I'm just trying to work this all out in my mind. I also think I'm not the only one feeling this way. The world has gotten smaller and that has made us smaller. Social media makes us feel like we have friends from all over the world but are they really a part of our every day life? Our families become part of the whole online experience and there's no "day-to-day, messy, get involved in our life" parts anymore Everyone is kept at arms length because it's easier.

We can like a Facebook post or Instagram picture and feel like we're a part of other people's lives, but are we really? People ask for prayers on Facebook and we promise to pray but promptly forget after closing the app. I'm just as guilty of this as the next person so I'm not condemning anyone here. I'm just saying that it's so much easier for us to click a like and then move on these days. There's not the cards sent in the mail or the phone calls to our friends because how many of us truly have close friends anymore?  I don't. I think those with truly close friends are far and few between. 

I am so very, very thankful for my husband who stands beside me through thick and thin. These four years have been just as hard for him and he wondered several times if I was even going to live. He puts up with so much from me as my emotions are all over the place. It's all part of the healing process and also the process of coming to terms with loss. There are other family members who have been such strong forces in my life - like my son and parents - who never leave me and love me for who I am. This journey hasn't been easy for any of them either.

I hesitate to post this because it's a pretty raw, emotional post. It tells you exactly where I'm at and, these days, that's a scary thing to do. It's so much easier to post the pretty things, the positive things, whether they be true or not. I'm not depressed (for those of you who may think I am), I'm probably just more angry than anything. Yes, there is sadness over the loss of some of the people of my life, those I thought would always be there with me, but I'm determined to move forward. The biggest challenge is not to be hard-hearted and I am struggling with that, too.  How much easier not to let anyone into my life in the first place then to have them crush my heart in the end? It's a struggle!

I honestly don't know if I'll leave this post up. I think it's so important to be real but, in doing so, am I opening myself up for more heartache? I also want you to know that God is everything to me. He, alone, has worked so many miracles in my life and I never, never blame Him for what has transpired in my life. I know where the blame lies - with the evil one who stalks us. He just waits for the opportunity to crush us. I'm refusing to be crushed! With Jesus, I don't have to be crushed. I may be bruised and a little torn up but I'm not crushed. 

In sharing this, I hope that it will help someone else to know that, just because you're a Christian, bad things will and do happen. However, because we have Jesus, they don't have to destroy us. His love is always there and He is always with us. Yes, it would be so nice to have the people around us in our lives, but isn't it a comfort to know that Jesus always is in our life? Thankfully, with Him, we don't have to walk alone!

Blessings - Julie

God's Great Orchestration! (A Very Long Post)

We know that God does amazing things every day. He has done amazing things since the beginning. He is powerful, awesome, and loves us in a way that I don't think I can ever truly comprehend. I am in more awe of Him after everything He orchestrated in my life last week.

On Wednesday, I got up tired and feeling quite low over the situation with the ileostomy. I was feeling a little hopeful because I had an appointment to see a new surgeon but really hated that I had to travel 2 hours from home to see him. The prospect of having surgery 2 hours from home was daunting, as well. It's not fun being so far from home when you're in hospital. It means your family has the burden of getting there and the prospect of friends visiting, is slim to none. Still, I felt this was my only hope or choice.

I have been having to eat early every day because if I don't, I run the risk of being up all night to empty the bag or having it leak. So, I made my main meal of baked chicken, green beans, whole wheat pasta and tomato sauce and ate by 1:00 pm. I was fine for about 30 minutes and then the pain started in my stomach. It felt very much like when I had the stomach flu and I was dreading that as it was a horrible experience with the bag. I felt so bad and was in so much pain, I decided to lie down for awhile and see if it passed. It just kept getting worse and worse. I finally called my husband and he tried to help me. I had a hard time even sitting up and trying to make it to the car seemed like an impossible task but if I had called an ambulance, it would have taken me even longer to get to the Emergency Room that is about 15 minutes from me. Finally, I just gritted my teeth and we got me out to the car and my husband got me to the Emergency Room.

I knew at this point something was horribly wrong because there wasn't much out-put in the bag (I am SO sorry to share all this disgusting stuff with you, but it's just part of the story). They got me back fairly fast and I was so distraught at this point and burst into tears.  They ordered a CT scan and had me drink that horrible preparation. When nothing from this huge drink showed up in the bag - I knew I probably had a blockage. After several hours of waiting, my suspicion was confirmed. I was so overwhelmed and anxious! What  was I going to do?

The ER doctor was so kind and caring. He mentioned a local surgeon that I had never heard of. I was so nervous about having a local surgery because my gastric doctor had made such a big deal out of me going to the big city and seeing a surgeon there. I told them I absolutely did not want them calling my original surgeon but maybe they could call the new one? He said they could but he was going to call the local surgeon that was on call first and see what he thought. He came back and said the surgeon would do the surgery and at the same time, he would want to take down the ileostomy. I was still concerned about doing the surgery locally and really was unsure. The ER doctor sat down and gave me such wise counsel. He said the new surgeon may not even consider doing it because I hadn't seen him yet but we had this local surgeon who was confident and ready to move forward. We had to move fairly quickly because having a blockage in the intestine is very dangerous. Suddenly, I knew. I would have this local surgeon do it! My sweet nurse said that I made a great decision and that if she or anyone in her family had to have surgery, they would go to this surgeon. That made me feel a lot better. They said that they would need to get the medical records from the original surgeon before they could proceed but I had them myself! Because I was going to see the new surgeon, I had them at home and my husband was able to go home and get them!

So, I was admitted to the hospital but the first thing they had to do was put a tube through my nose and down my throat into my stomach. Yes, I was completely awake for this lovely procedure. It had to be done, though, because they wanted to try and remove as much as possible before the surgery. My husband stayed with me in my room (this hospital is so beautiful and they have beds built in for family to stay in the room) and my son was able to come see me after he got off work. What a blessing!

The next morning I was so sick! I had a barf-bag in my hand at all times. The surgeon wanted them to do a test to see how my colon looked before the surgery. Not a pleasant procedure. I was so sick, I ended up throwing up all in my hair. The technician was so kind and took me into the bathroom and washed out my hair as good as she could then gave me one of her own scrunchies and pulled my hair back from my face so I wouldn't have that disgusting mess near my face. Such kindness!

Finally, I saw the surgeon and I was impressed with him immediately. One of the first things he said as he went through the original surgeon's notes was what a mess they were. He said in one area she states that I have an ileostomy (which I do) but then calls it an colostomy, which is something entirely different. He said they were hard to understand and he was clearly not impressed at all. He said that he was going to remove the blockage, fix the hernia, and take down the ileostomy. NO MORE BAG!!

Surgery went well and he said he would keep me at least 7 days in the hospital. That was fine by me! The hardest part of this whole thing was the tube down my throat because they didn't remove it until Saturday and my throat is still sore, but it's a small price to pay. He was so happy with how I was doing, he let me go home on Easter Sunday - 3 days after surgery!

This whole thing was so orchestrated by God! If I hadn't gotten the blockage, I would have never known about this wonderful surgeon right here in my own town. I would still be going around with a ileostomy bag and feeling miserable. The fact that I had the doctor's records was also so great because I'm telling you, had she talked to this surgeon on the phone, she would have said something to put him off doing it. My husband was able to stay with me in my private room and my son came to the hospital every day. This would have been impossible had I gone elsewhere.

I am so, so thankful! I can't tell you how happy I am! I thank God all the time for this miracle He performed in my life that has blessed me so very much. I have a drain on the wound, but that's no big deal, either. For one thing, this surgeon placed it where I can bandage it myself after taking my shower. What a concept! I will see him on Friday and he may remove the drain at that time but, even if he doesn't, I don't care. I am so relieved to have that horrible ileostomy gone!

My parents sent me flowers to the room and here's a picture of me with them

Aren't they gorgeous? Don't you love those little chicks in there for Easter? They also sent me this gorgeous Easter Lily!

My precious Mitzi was so devastated that I was gone from  home for so many days. When I got here, her little eyes were stained from tears. Poor little thing. She's been by my side every moment of the day since I've been home. I missed her as much as she missed me!

I am so thankful to God for all He has done! To be completely finished with the bag and be able to move forward with my life is such a relief and it has lifted a dark cloud for me. He orchestrated everything perfectly and, what seemed like a horrible thing happening to me on Wednesday, was God's way of blessing me on Thursday and forever. He opened all the right doors and made everything work out in the perfect way that only He can!

Blessings - Julie

For The Lord!!

Are you in a situation that is making your life difficult or even miserable? It can be a situation not of your own making or even something you did with the best of intentions. We all have areas of our life that we don't want disturbed. We all have little pet peeves that can get blown up in our mind and we find ourselves turning into complaining shrews.

If we've had stress in our lives, the littlest things that disrupt what little peace we have, can feel like we're teetering on the edge. Our nerves become frayed and we forget all about being a light in this world because we're too focused on the darkness of stressful situations.

Thankfully, God is so gracious to have patience with us and will pull us back from this darkness by reminding us who we are in Jesus. I had this happen to me over the weekend and it was like a lightbulb going off over my head. You know - like the old cartoons when a character had a bright idea. It felt that dramatic when it happened to me.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for man."

 - Colossians 3:23

 

I realized that I was not being obedient to God by all my complaining, frustration and even anger over the things that were happening around me. By obedience, I don't mean the kind of obedience that we feel obligated to do or forced to do. I mean the obedience we do and feel loving about because God first loved us! I'm talking about that obedience that comes from God giving us so much love and grace that we can't help but share the same to others. Doing what we need to do for the Lord and not for man.

 

You're probably saying how simple and why is this such a huge thing for me? It's huge because in all my stress, health issues over the past three-plus years, and changes I've had to endure, I've become quite selfish and scared. And in case you didn't know, when you become selfish and scared, your heart becomes harder. I didn't want to give up certain things or accept the changes so I dug my feet in and refused. However, I can't do what I need to do with a loving and glad heart if I'm not thinking about doing it for Jesus. Further more, try thinking about doing what you're doing for Jesus and having a bad attitude. It can't be done! I can't say to myself, I'm doing this for Jesus and be crummy about it. When I do it for him, my heart is lighter, I want to do a good job, and I want to act like someone He will be pleased with!

 

I'll be honest. I haven't felt this peaceful for a long, long time. Do I still have moments of being childishly selfish? Of course. The great thing is, they don't last long because I'm focusing my heart and mind on the Lord. I'm also accepting those things I'm not able to do anymore and being thankful for the things I can. My body still is not strong and I don't have a lot of energy. I have to accept the changes and know that they are part of God's plan. I need to protect my time, energy and body - but with a glad heart!

 

Please pray with me on this. I am asking God for a happy attitude, a loving heart, discerning wisdom, and an extra measure of self control from the Holy Spirit. I'm so thankful for you, dear friends, and all your encouragement and prayers.

 

Blessings - Julie 

31 Days of Hope - October 22

The Lord values those who fear Him, those who put their hope in His faithful love.

Psalm 147:11

When we put our HOPE in the Lord, when we have awe of Him, He values us. He loves all His children, but those of us who give our lives to Him, hold a special value. When we trust Him, He is able to work in our lives. When we have HOPE in Him, we are opening our heart to allow Him to work in our life and do what is best for us. 

It may not always look the way we want it to look. God works in our lives in ways that will bless us. His concern is our relationship with Him. As we are going through a difficult situation or have a stronghold in our life we want to change, we need to try and remember to put Him first. I'm not going to lie and tell you this is easy. Personally, when I have had my hard days, I've wanted to crawl into a ball and sleep. Sleep has always been my first choice of escape. For you, it may be something different, but can I encourage us both to make our first choice Jesus? 

Do something easy; meditate on a favorite Scripture and pray over it. I know I've shared the one that gave me so much HOPE was Psalms 91:4. 

(This is a special gift I received from a friend)

I would read it over and over until I had it memorized. I would pray this Scripture and believe that God was covering me. It comforted me to imagine Him protecting me from all the things that frightened me. As you are able to do more, do more. Memorize and meditate on more Scriptures, follow a plan to read through your Bible and above all else, pray! 

God give us so much HOPE - He loves us with more love than anyone else ever has. Trust in Him as you go through your difficult time and sit back and watch Him work miracles in your life!

Blessings - Julie

31 Days of Hope - October 12

Some of us have been so blessed to have a Daddy who loves us. Unfortunately, there are those of us who haven't had a Daddy who cared about us like we would have liked. I'm one of the fortunate ones. My Daddy loved me and still does! I am his little girl, even though I'm 53 years old! I remember one time I said to him, "Dad, I'm not your little girl anymore!" He got this funny look on his face and said, "You'll always be MY little girl!" When I think of this now, it brings tears to my eyes because it's so true and it makes me feel so loved!

This is my Daddy and I when I'm about three years old - GOSH - 50 years ago!! Okay - we didn't need to go there!

I always felt secure with my Daddy. I was never afraid as long as he was around.

Normally, I would have been afraid to be on this ski lift, but I was with my Dad, so all was okay!

Here we are in our front yard. It must be early Spring because there's still snow on the ground behind us. We're obviously going somewhere special because we're both dressed nice. lol

There was nothing better than snuggles with my Daddy. My Dad was "old school" so he didn't show his emotions a lot, but he would do more so with me.

I always wanted to be like my Daddy. He read a lot so I did, too. He was, and is, my hero.

The Lord is like my Daddy. He cares about us and makes us feel safe. He loves us unconditionally and we will always be his children - even when we're 53 or older! God wants us to long to be like Him and I do long for that. I want to be more and more like Jesus every day. I never will be like Jesus but I pray I can love and care for others as He does.

Even if you didn't have a Dad like mine, you have a Father in heaven who loves you more than anything! That is really what our HOPE is all about. Being able to trust in our heavenly Father, knowing that He loves us so much and will never leave us. I pray that you will have that HOPE in your life!

Blessings - Julie

31 Days of Hope - October 6

It was such a cool, cloudy day today. We had quite a bit of rain and it was down right cold! I'm not complaining because I would much rather snuggle up in a blanket then try and stay cool during the hot months. I think I can say that Fall has finally, truly arrived here and I'm so glad!

You are my shelter and my shield;

I put my hope in Your word.

 Psalm 119:114

This Scripture speaks volumes to my heart and soul. I can attest to the fact that the more I put my HOPE in His Word, the more I feel His shelter. We can't really know who God is if we don't spend time with Him. We won't know that all HOPE is in Him or that He longs to shelter us. 

I love the story in the Bible about the one, little lost sheep. 

What man among you, who has 100 sheep and loses one of them, does not leave the 99 in the open field and go after the lost one until he finds it? When he has found it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders, and coming home, he calls his friends and neighbors together, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, because I have found my lost sheep! ' - Luke 15:4-6 

This parable tells us that God rejoices over the one sinner that repents over the 99 righteous people that don't. However, when I read this story that Jesus shared, I also think of myself as that one little sheep. I am like that little sheep in that I have the tendency to wander away. Especially when I'm struggling with things and that is the worst time to wander away from the Lord. It's not something that I do intentionally, I think it's just human nature to try and "fix things" ourselves. However, when I get lost, God comes after me.  

I'm so thankful that God cares so much for us. He gives us HOPE when there doesn't seem to be any. He shields us and fills our spirit with HOPE and love that only He can give!

I wanted to share two pictures that I took today out my front window. They show perfectly the glory of the Lord in His creation. 

Many blessings - Julie

A Sign from God

I have a rose bush that was a cutting from the bush that is on my Grandmother's grave. I got the cutting in 2002 and brought it back and planted it right near my front door. It bloomed a single rose, one time and has never bloomed again. I could never understand why it wouldn't bloom again. I have many rose bushes and they all bloom wonderfully every year. I have fertilized it, watered it, and babied it, but to no avail. Until this year...

(I apologize for the blurry picture. The wind has been blowing wildly here and the bud was moving about.)

My son was out working on the deck he's building on the front of the house and shouted for me to come see my Grandma's rose bush. It's absolutely loaded with buds, dear friends!! I literally started to cry. You see, after the horrific year I had last year, I looked at it as a sign from God - a gift from Him, really - telling me that everything is going to be okay. Perhaps you think I'm a bit over-reaching, but truly, I'm not. This rose bush means so much to me and to have it bloom at this time, is truly a miracle and a gift. I'm so thrilled!!  I feel that the Lord does give us signs to let us know that He is with us and hasn't forgotten us. This is my sign.

I will take more photos (and less blurry ones) as the roses bloom. I just had to share this wonderful event as it has renewed my hope and fills my heart.

Blessings - Julie

Look Up!

 As I have walked this road this year of health struggles and pain, I have come to realize that without God, there is no going forward. God gives hope where there is none. When I have no one on this earth to put my faith in, God is the One who is faithful. He holds my entire life in His hands and I can trust him and have faith in Him that He knows what He's doing when no one else does.

It's been a hard journey, not only for me, but for my family. In the blink of an eye, something can happen than can change the course of your life and you are helpless to do anything but go forward and pray each day that you will make it through.

Thankfully, I have had no new infections for which I am so very grateful. Unfortunately, the wounds are not healing properly and they are a concern to my doctor. He at first talked about another surgery at which time my heart dropped to my toes. I have had four surgeries this year and another one seems so daunting. I personally think the reason I'm not healing well is because my body is worn out but I digress. He brought another doctor in as well as his PA and they thought stem cells might work. So, now I wait to see if my insurance will approve this and, if they do, they will place stem cells in the wounds to give them a boost. Oh, how I pray that I'm allowed to get this procedure and that it works! If it doesn't then I will have to have another surgery.

I try to live as normally as I can. I plan out my days and, more times than not, I don't accomplish but a 10th or less of those plans. I'm still house bound so these are things I want to accomplish at home. I celebrate even the little accomplishments because they are huge for me. Putting a meal in the crock pot, dusting, or decorating are reasons to feel good. I was looking at it before as all the things I couldn't do, but that will bring me down lower than I can handle, so I focus on what I can do.

There are people that sustain me. My husband, who is my rock when I can't do anything but cry. He waits on me - not because I ask - but he does it out of love. Ice water, a grilled cheese sandwich, carrying my books from room to room, making sure the pillows are perfect under my legs when I get into bed; these are the things that remind me of how Jesus washed the Disciples feet. My youngest son who drives me two hours away to my doctor appointment despite being tired and in pain himself. My oldest son who comes over and takes on some of the household duties on his days off because I'm unable to. My sweet friend who writes me a Scripture and devotion every morning in a text so that I wake up to God's Word and a reminder that I am loved by her. My sister who emails me with encouragement and prayers, calls me to check on me, and prays continually for my healing; she has known me all my life and loves me in a way no one else can and she sustains me. These are the people who reach out to me, love me even on the hard days, and keep me moving forward. God has blessed me with a loving core group to get me through the hardness of this journey.

I do not forget you, my dear friends. So many of you email me to check on me, leave comments of encouragement and to tell me that you're praying for me. These are lifelines and I am so grateful. You are also the hands and feet of Jesus to me even though I have never met most of you in person.

The key is not to look down at what I can't do, what is left undone, but to focus on the accomplishments and to look up to the One who holds the whole situation - and me - in His mighty and loving hands.

God bless you - Julie

New Attitude

I'm sure, like me, many of you don't feel exactly strong on some days. I definitely felt that way yesterday. As you know, I had my sleep study on Tuesday night. I had very high hopes that they would find out what they needed to know and that I would be fitted with a mask that night. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I was able to fall asleep quite quickly, but I woke up after two hours in pain, despite the fact that I had taken a pain pill just before bed. I had to call out to the tech and move to the other side of the bed. I don't think I've shared here that I can't roll over in bed. My back won't allow this, so if I want to sleep in a different position, I have to get up and go around to the other side of the bed and lay on the other side. I got all comfy and it took me forever to go back to sleep. I finally did, but before I knew it, it was 5:00 am (another patient was talking loudly in the hall and that's why I woke up) and, even though I had until 6:00 am, I just never could get back to sleep. I knew when I woke up at 5:00, that my test had not gone as I had hoped. They told me that if I fell asleep in the first couple of hours and my symptoms were obvious, they would fit me with a mask. However, I didn't really start having my symptoms until after 2:30 am, and by that time it was too late. I sat there in tears as the tech came in to unhook all the wires (27 in all!). He couldn't tell me much but he said he would be surprised if I wasn't diagnosed as having sleep apnea, however, it will be another possible 2 weeks before I know for sure! To say I was devastated is an understatement. I had such high hopes that I would get help on Tuesday night! I came home, took a shower to get all the gunk out of my hair, then promptly went to bed and slept until noon. I was very depressed and I let it wash over me all day on Wednesday. There's nothing more debilitating than a good pity party!

Thursday morning I woke up and decided I could either continue living out my pity party or I could just work through the exhaustion and live my life. I chose the later. I got dressed right away today and even put on makeup! I used to always, always put on makeup, but I've gotten lazy about it over the past 3 years about it at home. I digress...I started working on my family room and I'm happy to say, I pretty much finished it! I still have a few pictures to put up, but it's just beautiful and I'm thrilled that I got it done!

Yes, the hard things that we have to deal with are hard, but I'm so glad that I woke up with a new attitude! I'm really tired of how I'm feeling - the exhaustion and the pain - but I'm even more tired of being down in the dumps! As far as the sleep study, I've completely turned that over to God and I will rely on Him to work everything out for me. To worry or fret about it will only drive me crazy and, honestly, I can't afford that! =D

Many blessings - Julie

Keep Calm & Trust God

I used to be an emotional bundle of nerves. This happens when you feel condemned by those that are supposed to love you. I was a woman that internalized everything and then my mind and body paid for it. I finally realized, when I had cancer, that I needed to make changes in who I allowed around me, if possible. I had the tendency to chose the same type of people over and over again, those who would abuse me emotionally.

It didn't happen over night, but slowly over the past few years, I've gotten wiser about who I allow to be in my inner-circle. I've also learned to have boundaries with those people in my life that I can't just "cut-out" of my life (most of these people are family members).  I think family members are the hardest, both in dealing with, and enforcing boundaries to. When you start making changes in your life, expect resistance. People don't like when you start changing, especially for the better. It will make them angry and they will try and trip you up. Just keep on going forward with God's help!

God has helped me so much in this area. Through His Word, I'm getting stronger Spiritually, which in turn makes me stronger emotionally. Where I would be devastated, playing over and over in my mind the words said, now I'm able to let it go within a day. Believe me, this is huge. I could replay things said to me twenty years ago over and over for days before, and enjoy wallowing in it. However, all this does is destroy our self esteem and give the enemy a foothold in our mind!

This year, I asked God to help me with a stronghold that was causing me distress. This stronghold was that if someone really hurt me, I would just eliminate them from my life. Period. I needed to learn to love people, maybe at arms length, but to love them as God loves them. He has worked miracles in my life on this! I have learned to be more discerning when it comes to choosing friends but then I've also learned to continue to love those that hurt me. I love them as God loves them but then I establish boundaries. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of boundaries!! Especially, if you're like a person like me - a "people pleaser".

The biggest issue where God has worked is keeping me calm. I am able to let this stuff go and remain calm knowing that God is in control and is working things out in His perfect way. He sees us when we get hurt and we can rest assured that He cares deeply when we hurt. It all really does work out perfectly if we will just rest in Him and allow Him to work everything together in our life. I've learned to keep focusing on my goals, not get side-tracked because I know that I'm not in control of the stuff I can't control anyway! I can only control me and how I react to things.

Keep Calm and Trust God - Keep On Keeping On!

God bless you - Julie