Monday, December 27, 2010

Pourings from the Heart

How was your Christmas? Ours was amazingly beautiful, blessed, and wonderful! We didn't have much under the tree, but that was okay! In fact, I really think it made us thankful for the couple of things we did receive and, more importantly, it made us really thankful for each other.  I know the day was more about the people around me than the stuff around me.  Very little money was spent because we don't have but a little, but the joy came from focusing on what Christmas is all about and the fact that my little family was together. 

I made ham, cheesy potatoes, mixed veggies and pumpkin pie for our Christmas dinner, and I must say, it was really one of the best meals we've had for Christmas.  I told you about the 99 cent per pound ham I got at Safeway and the fact that it wasn't spiral cut.  It didn't matter in the least! In fact, I thought it was better.  I spiced it and created my own delicious glaze that everyone loved.  I used my electric knife to cut paper thin slices that could be used for sandwiches later.  Love my electric knife, people!  I got it one year when they were selling them for cheap at WalMart.  It was like $5.00 or something ridiculous.  The cheesy potatoes were just that - super cheesy.  I created a triple batch of the cheese sauce this year to pour over those lovely potato slices and it was just wonderful. The only downside was that during the baking, we started to smell smoke.  Some of that lovely cheese sauce had dripped over the edge of the pan and onto the oven floor below making a smokey mess.  I had put the pan on a cookie sheet, but it was a small one and it just ran right past the cookie sheet.  I had to pull everything out and clean up the mess so we didn't die from smoke inhalation! I then put a piece of foil beneath the pan and it caught all future drips.  At the end of the day, I cleaned my stove and it was so hard - I had to flip the switch to clean.  LOL  Anyway, I made my pies Christmas morning, too, which I never do, but it all worked out and everything was delicious.

Yesterday afternoon, we all played games - Sorry, Racko and Canasta Caliente.  FUN! We love to play games at our house, but we don't do it nearly as often as I would like.  We all lead such busy lives, it's hard to sit down and make the time to play the board games together.  We are going to try and do it more often, though, as we really enjoyed it!  I didn't cook yesterday but had leftover Christmas dinner fixings and then I did make a couple of dips for snacking.  My son (of the pizza fame) made white chocolate chip and macadamia nut cookies and they were wonderful, too!

The only downer to yesterday was MIL creating problems AGAIN and upsetting everyone. Truly, she thrives on this and it's a constant thing.  My hubby has made it clear that she will never change and to expect her to, is to drive ourselves crazy.  I know this, I accept it (I guess) and yet I still have this small place in my brain that thinks one day she will wake up and say, "Gee, I've been really obnoxious! I'm going to stop!". Ummm, yeah, right.  Just not gonna happen.  Period. My problem is that I still allow her to upset me and ruin my days.  I'm still trying to figure out how to handle this and, at this point, am not sure how to, and that further drives me crazy! We have had to make so many changes in our house because of her, for example:  Every time we would cook, she would come out and turn off the stove or oven.  I didn't know she would do this and one day I came home to what I thought would be dinner all nicely cooked in the oven, to a raw roast freezing cold and uncooked.  Oh, yes. I was furious! Of course, confronting her about it, only a made her do it all the more. If she thinks something is upsetting you, she amps it up and does it more and more. Anyway, I would put a pan on to boil for pasta or whatever, go and do other things, and she would turn off the pan. Or I would put something in the oven to cook or bake, come back a few minutes later and the oven was off.  It was/is so irritating! So, I got child gates and put them up at each end of my kitchen so she couldn't go in there.  That made her mad, but it worked for awhile until the other day when she pushed on one of the gates until it popped and she got in there.  Same with the refrigerator.  She was constantly leaving the doors open and we had to call the repairman out to fix it twice! So, I put child locks on the fridge.  Great, until one day she got mad and pulled the handle on the door so hard it broke the lock! So now we've moved a piece of furniture in front of the one opening to the kitchen (I KNOW!!) and we've moved a chair in front of the fridge plus put a new lock on the fridge (I KNOW!!).  The remaining gate is so tight and positioned in such a way that we are praying she can't knock it out.  Just so it doesn't sound like we're heartless, she has her OWN FRIDGE in her room which we stock with her favorite foods and she is still able to get to the glasses and water in the kitchen.  The area of the kitchen I have blocked off is where the stove, oven and pantry are.  The pantry is a whole other story that I shall save for another day when I feel like venting.

I am praying that the Lord will show me how to handle this situation to where I'm not losing my mind.  Confronting her does not work, talking to her does not work, ignoring her does not work, and catering to her does not work.  Frankly, she is an evil person and has a totally obsessive and narcissistic personality that allows her to only consider how things are affecting her and no one else.  What I don't like is what it is doing to me as a person.  I feel uptight all the time, on edge, and totally stressed.  I try to do as many things at night that I can so I don't have to deal with her because if I do have to deal with her, she always, ALWAYS, says something cruel that effects me the rest of the day and then I, in turn, affect my wonderful, loving family in a negative way because I'm either crying or ranting. Neither are good and certainly not what the Lord calls me to do as a wife and mother. My friend reminded me the other night that I need to stop it in my mind before I react to it. Absolutely. She's right. The key to stopping it in my mind? Not there yet, but I know the Lord is growing me through this and He will provide that key and give me the grace I need to handle this....and the love. The love seems impossible right now, but that's just it, isn't it? We are called to love the unlovable and, believe me, dear readers, this woman is unlovable, but that's the point; God couldn't grow me through this and I couldn't give him the glory if it wasn't going to grow me and create in me a more Christ-like Spirit! Pray for me, dear friends, that the Lord would give me the wisdom to know how to handle this and to not allow it to touch my heart.  That's what this really comes down to, of course, is that I'm allowing her to touch my heart and hurt my feelings.

Today I'm tired. I had 4 hours sleep last night (I'm still battling insomnia) and I really want to go back to sleep, but I can't and I won't.  I'm going to get going and do some things for my family that will bless them.  I'm also in the process of writing down my goals for 2011.  Can you believe it? weird did it feel to just type that. Anyway, I'm going to make bread today for the freezer and I would like to go through a couple of boxes of mementos that need to be sorted, organized and put away.  After all that, I intend to sit and work on my cross stitch for awhile and enjoy my precious family and my beautiful home that the Lord has so graciously blessed me with.

God bless you - Julie


  1. Hi Julie,
    Your Christmas dinner sounds very delicious! I am sorry that you MIL is a trial for you. Has she been diagnosed with a type of mental illness? Does she have other children to stay with, sort of take turns? I feel for you very much. She sounds like a 3 year. old on steriods. God loves her though.
    Blessings to you sweet lady,
    Mama Karen

  2. I suffer from anxiety and depression. I've not said that out loud to to many people. I pray that we both can find the answers. I let everyone affect my reactions too, to things. I know I should just give it to God but I don't know how. when you're in the middl e of things, it is so hard to 'see' what you should do.

  3. Hello Julie
    It's been awhile but this one just grabbed me,and I tell ya I am laughing so hard at your MIL!!! I'm sorry Julie but she is funny I guess because I'm not there to deal with her every day.Mercy God has blessed you so good,because I tell ya unless she's sick,she would have been gone,Lord forgive me.I don't know,yep I do it's God's grace keeping you going after all she does.I can't help but wonder if it's dementia or something going on,I hate to think she is that spiteful. Oh yeaaaa the dinner sounded like it was so good especially the ham yum!!!! I love ya Julie and will keep you in my prayers. :-)

  4. Hi Julie. I have read your heart pouring cry dear and you are going through a lot with dear MIL. Let me first say, I am no Miss Fix it, but do this one for me. Tell her you are going to pray for her and please do say a prayer for her. Then please read Psalm 51:10. I am crosstitching that one too. Stop by blog if you would like. It is in progress.
    I will say a prayer for you and your MIL too. Please call on me if you need to vent. I am here for you. Okay dear.
    Blessed Assurance.
    Hugs and prayers.

  5. Hi Karen: Thank you for stopping by. Honestly, this is my MIL. She's always been this way. There is some dementia, but that has only put a spotlight on what is her true inner being. No one else at this time to help out, unfortunately. Yes, definitely like having a child...that you can't spank! LOL

  6. Kristy, I think there are so many of us hurting out there and we are afraid to open up for fear of what others will think or say (probably more say, for me anyway). I've really tried to be open on my blog and so far it's been good. It allows others to know they are not alone and that it's okay not to be perfect. You know you're in my prayers. I know how hard it is to know what to do. We will pray for wisdom for both of us!! Love you!!

  7. Hi Jackie!
    Thank you for your sweet words. I do pray for my MIL every day. It's not easy, but I pray for her and that she would accept Jesus as her Savior. That's what she needs more than anything. She thinks we are idiots for believing in the Lord and it makes her sick in her mind and in her heart. It's sad. Living with it day by day, though is beyond difficult. Pray for me!


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