Groanings Too Deep for Words

I know I've been quiet lately. I have been struggling with all I've been going through and having some hard days. My hard days consist of being quiet - even around my family - for fear of dragging them into my pit and making it a hard day for them. I have been sleeping, reading, and not much else.

Praying for myself is impossible right now and I rely on the prayers of others. I tell myself that things could be worse - and they could! - but my situation is difficult and has thrown my life into a whole new way of living. It's processing and accepting this new way of living that has me struggling so.

 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. - Romans 8:26

How I cling to this Scripture. The Spirit helps me in my weakness and the Spirit intercedes for me with groanings. I understand these groanings...I have them myself and I don't know what they are but the Lord knows. Sometimes I wonder at this, yet the Lord's ways are not my ways, and He does understand what I am going through and He has mercy and sympathy.

I also wonder at my attitude. I have had months of keeping a stiff upper lip - of being positive in the face of all these health issues - but I am tired. I don't have a positive thought left in my mind right now. It's almost as if it has all come descending upon my heart and mind and I can't bear it. I do understand from my nurse that this is normal. I am grieving what once was and trying to accept what is now. 

I had another minor surgery on my knee wound last Friday. This has opened this wound up and it is large and a reminder that this healing will go on longer than I imagined. When things like this happen, I suffer greatly at the fact that I am struggling to heal and at the fact that I am weak and tired. This surgery was necessary, and I accept that, but it is still a set back in a sense. 

My lifeline is Jesus. I know He is with me even when I don't speak to Him in prayer as I normally do. I know He understands and He knows that soon I will start talking with Him again. I am not angry at God at all - He has blessed me so much! - but I am so, so tired. 

For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 

 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Keeping my eyes on the eternal....

 

Blessings - Julie