Friday, September 25, 2015

The Long, Winding Road

Time teaches us so much. I look back over the last year and a half and I see the winding road that the Lord took me on and I see how much He taught me. So many hard times where I couldn't even imagine the end coming out well. Caught in the middle of my...for lack of a better word...ordeal, I looked to just get through the day and nothing else. It was too hard to hope for a happy ending. Just an end, that's all. I knew if I didn't live through it, that I would be with Jesus and that was fine with me. If I did live through it, would I live any kind of normal life? I had no idea and my mind couldn't go there.

Now it's been eight months since my last surgery and my wounds are closed and I haven't had another infection. Do I still react if I feel sick? Oh, yes. It will take even more time before I can feel comfortable in my skin again. I'm not the me that I started this whole thing out with. I'm different. Some of it is better different and some of it is worse.

The worst parts are not really trusting people any more. I had problems with care givers and I got forgotten by those I thought would not forget me. I hurt a long time over the latter part. It's funny how you think you know what people will do when a tragedy strikes, but you don't really know. You just hope. Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed. Was part of it my fault? Possibly, but I'm not sure in what way. I've thought and thought and can't figure out how I would have pushed anyone away. If I did, it was unintentional and certainly not what I wanted to do. I think tragedy and the ordeals that some of us go through are just too much for the average person. Even those in leadership at our churches are not really equipped mentally for the long haul that some of us go through. They want to put out the initial fire and then move on. If there's still embers burning, well, you'll just have to deal with those yourself. I'm not here to bash the church or my brothers and sisters in Christ. I'm just sharing my own unique experiences and my own feelings about it. I may never fully understand but I hope that I can grow and learn from my situation and maybe help those of you who are going through an ordeal to know that you are not alone.

I'm still dealing with the after affects of what was done to me in the operating room and all the problems stemming from that. I live with daily pain and a leg that is worse now than when I went in for the surgery. However, I try to take each day one at a time and focus on what God would have me do each day. I am very thankful for you, dear readers, as you've gone through this whole thing with me. You've read my posts on the good days and on the bad days and you've not thought worse of me for those bad days. I am so thankful for the prayers and the good thoughts! I hope you all know how dear you are to me and how much you mean to me!

Many blessings - Julie


  1. my sweet friend, I love you, and your beautiful heart. praying for you.

  2. Julie, I had to read that your leg is worse now than before, twice. I am so sorry. You are certainly being heavily pruned. You will harvest much fruit my friend. God loves you. I am praying.♥

  3. God's Word tells us that we go through things so that we can help others. That is surely true. Each one of us will go through something that will either make us or break us. The choice is completely ours. Hopefully, we will all choose to grow stronger so that we can use the wisdom that we gained, to help those in the same situation. Still praying for you girl! :)

  4. Oh my goodness...I didn't realize your leg was worse now after all that you have been through. Sometimes, I believe, that God puts us in situations for us to "lose" the ones that need to be lost for us to move on in a new direction. While I know this past year and a half has been so very hard for you, I'm certain (just as Vickie said) you will bear much fruit from this turmoil. I think it is in suffering that much is gained. At least in my own life, I see that. Always prayers for you...every day.


Please leave me a message! I love hearing what you have to say and look forward to your comments.