I Believe

I believe that the Lord has a purpose in all that I have been dealing with over the past few months.  I believe that He still sits on his throne and that His ways are better than my ways. Yes, I believe.

I will not sit here, though, and tell you that every day I have believed this or had a sun-shiny smile on my face.  I've had many, many days where all I could do was just sit and exist. I felt very guilty and bad about these days, but now I'm realizing that this is just how it is when you are a human being and your world is suddenly turned upside down.  It's okay to grieve, it's okay to have those down days.  (However, let me state here that if you are having depression that just won't go away, please seek professional help!)

I've had to live with MYSELF for the past few months.  Funny how that can be rather disconcerting. *smile*  I kept busy before my injury and really didn't think too much about myself or what my dreams were any more. In fact, I realized some of the things I had done before to stay in touch with myself, I had left by the wayside for some reason. Have I felt that I no longer deserved to have dreams? Did I lose hope in m dreams?  I'm not sure but I am taking steps to change my thinking and my habits.

One thing I used to do religiously (so to speak) was to write out a list of goals and make a plan.  I haven't done that for years, literally.  I was reminded of this when my oldest son was talking about his goals that he has written out and how he has been able to mark some of them off because he accomplished them! That's the beauty of writing them down and visually seeing them...you actually work toward them.

So, now I'm on a mission.  A mission to write out my goals, to start thinking differently, and to start talking differently.  I'm in the process of reading some books about thinking in a more positive way, believing that God does indeed have a plan for my life, and starting a sheet of goals. Do you know why?  It's because even though my life is different now it doesn't mean I can't have goals and a productive and happy life right where I am.

I am believing that the Lord has a plan for me...I believe that where I am was sifted through the Lord's hands first....I believe that the Lord wants me to grow and be refined through this...I believe that He is with me....I believe.

For I know the plans I have for you, delcares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.  You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  - Jeremiah 29:11-13

Blessings - Julie